My daughter is 13, soon to be 14. In some ways she is going on 40, in other ways going on 6. She is in that beautifully awkward place between woman and child, that place that seems awkward, but really is more like a tightly closed bloom. Beautiful in its own way. She still plays with dolls, but she leafs through Vogue. Lacking the confidence to design for herself, she designs for the dolls, stitching and accessorizing, creating a fashion parade.
Boys exist, but with the view of a Disney movie of the week. They are something she will someday kiss, but today she is content to text with them. I'm not naive, I know there are "other girls" kissing, but she isn't one of them. She has a true innocent charm.
This morning, at the store, she received a text from a boy she is friends with. They sometimes hang out as part of a group and often get teased that they like each other. He's a nice, funny, geeky boy. In other words, I approve. He lives behind us. He sent her a text, "Will U go out with me?" In teen vernacular, that means "be my sweetheart", not go on a date, since she isn't allowed to date and neither is he.
Panic ensued. She couldn't answer him without a text conference with every female she knows. I suggested a quick phone call, which was answered with an eyeroll and the comment "Calling is so nerdy, mom!" I ignored my obvious lack of cool and said very calmly, "Honey, do you like him?"
Her crimson face looked back at me and she nodded, shyly. I said, "Then the simple answer is yes." Apparently her tribe of girlfriends sent in their endorsements and so she texted him back, those three letters. Y E S.
About five minutes later, he texted her back, "U do no I was joking, don't U?" Rounding the candy aisle, her eyes welled up and her crimson deepened.
I said, "You do know he's got a lame way of finding out if you like him first, right?"
She fumed, "I'm just so mad. He tricked me. What should I say?"
Thinking that the joke is on him, I suggested, "Why not text him back, Well I wasn't."
She did. He hasn't replied. She wants to text him back a million other explanations. I told her to let him feel as stupid as he acted. Leave it at that and resist the urge to overexplain.
Now you and I know, he is sitting there thinking, "Oh fudge, what an idiot I was."
June 30, 2009
June 26, 2009
Child Stars
The unexpected passing of Michael Jackson quickly upstaged the expected passing of Farrah Fawcett. I suspect for years there will be speculation that the Three Kings; him, Elvis, and the Lizard King wander not the Orient, but convenient stores in the midwest, never aging, but specters of Madame Tussaud's visions.
I remember watching the Jackson 5 cartoon and singing along with ABC, it seemed as easy as 123. Then in high school, Thriller hit the charts and no school dance was ever the same. We all tried pathetically to moonwalk while wearing zippered jackets and parachute pants. As if we could capture the mystique that was MJ.
Then, he got weird. Really weird. He carved his face with plastic surgery, lightened his skin and appeared more and more androgynous each month. He married, divorced, dangled children from balconies, and built a Neverneverland tribute to his seeming lost childhood. Did he ever have a chance to be normal? He entertained us, but he always seemed like a lost soul. In his attempt to capture the youth he never had, he stole the youth of others. My skin crawled and my heart cried. The manchild was neither, he became one of the monsters from his Thriller video.
That's the thing with child stars. So few grow up to be adjusted adults. From Judy Garland to Robert Blake, from Danny Bonaduce to Britney Spears. These wind-up machine children who entertain adults are denied the very essence of who they are. They grow up lost, confused and exploited. They don't learn impulse control because the adults around them are so busy milking their money train they don't realize they're also building a future train wreck. It's tragic.
I guess all I can hope now is that Michael Jackson really does Rest In Peace. I don't know how he could.
I remember watching the Jackson 5 cartoon and singing along with ABC, it seemed as easy as 123. Then in high school, Thriller hit the charts and no school dance was ever the same. We all tried pathetically to moonwalk while wearing zippered jackets and parachute pants. As if we could capture the mystique that was MJ.
Then, he got weird. Really weird. He carved his face with plastic surgery, lightened his skin and appeared more and more androgynous each month. He married, divorced, dangled children from balconies, and built a Neverneverland tribute to his seeming lost childhood. Did he ever have a chance to be normal? He entertained us, but he always seemed like a lost soul. In his attempt to capture the youth he never had, he stole the youth of others. My skin crawled and my heart cried. The manchild was neither, he became one of the monsters from his Thriller video.
That's the thing with child stars. So few grow up to be adjusted adults. From Judy Garland to Robert Blake, from Danny Bonaduce to Britney Spears. These wind-up machine children who entertain adults are denied the very essence of who they are. They grow up lost, confused and exploited. They don't learn impulse control because the adults around them are so busy milking their money train they don't realize they're also building a future train wreck. It's tragic.
I guess all I can hope now is that Michael Jackson really does Rest In Peace. I don't know how he could.
June 4, 2009
Idols Speak!
I have so much to say about this. As I blathered on to a friend, she said, Kim, you need to blog about this, and I hesitated. I didn't think communication with my Idol would count as a blog.
It's not even that big of a thing for jaded people. I don't worship "Hollywood". I do however count writers, and more narrowly, columnists in my list of idols. Our dearly departed Mike Royko was my first. He is one of the reasons that I wanted to write. I only dreamed of sharing my brain as well as he did.
My second Idol is Dick Feagler. A Cleveland columnist. I sat behind him in a church pew for 10 years, and never told him he was my Idol. He was merely someone I said "peace be with you" with, as we shook hands. I never had the chutzpah to tell him how much his words impacted my life.
Today, I'm older. I still idolize, despite my advanced years. I took the bull by the horns today. I am active on a social networking site. I noticed a friend of mine was friends with one of my idols. To comment in the same space as she was almost paralyzing. My respect for her cannot be captured in words. She exceeds my other idols, because she is... a she.
I sent her a note of praise and I also invited her.
She replied and accepted.
It made my day. Truly.
I'm in my 40s but my feeling today is better than the day I touched Bon Jovi. I was touched in a different way. I was touched mentally. My idol said hello and thank you.
It doesn't get any better than that.
Thank you, C.
It's not even that big of a thing for jaded people. I don't worship "Hollywood". I do however count writers, and more narrowly, columnists in my list of idols. Our dearly departed Mike Royko was my first. He is one of the reasons that I wanted to write. I only dreamed of sharing my brain as well as he did.
My second Idol is Dick Feagler. A Cleveland columnist. I sat behind him in a church pew for 10 years, and never told him he was my Idol. He was merely someone I said "peace be with you" with, as we shook hands. I never had the chutzpah to tell him how much his words impacted my life.
Today, I'm older. I still idolize, despite my advanced years. I took the bull by the horns today. I am active on a social networking site. I noticed a friend of mine was friends with one of my idols. To comment in the same space as she was almost paralyzing. My respect for her cannot be captured in words. She exceeds my other idols, because she is... a she.
I sent her a note of praise and I also invited her.
She replied and accepted.
It made my day. Truly.
I'm in my 40s but my feeling today is better than the day I touched Bon Jovi. I was touched in a different way. I was touched mentally. My idol said hello and thank you.
It doesn't get any better than that.
Thank you, C.
June 3, 2009
Generous (?) Motors
This is the full text of a letter I recently sent to some local newspapers.
As General Motor’s announces bankruptcy, repeatedly, blame is cast towards the UAW and labor unions.
I liken what is happening to a wealthy parent who didn’t say “no” in time. It rarely gets mentioned when unions are attacked that all wages and benefits given to the employees are clearly outlined in a mutually agreed upon legally binding contract. There isn’t a union agreement in this nation that isn’t signed by both management and labor and authenticated by the government. That creates a system of checks and balances; a microism of our national government. This is the core of collective bargaining. Management agrees to the contractual terms as readily as the union.
To be part of a contract negotiation is no picnic. It is equally nerve wracking for either side. Every proposal is filled with opportunity, in the truest sense of capitalism. “How much can we make?” resonates on both sides. Like dealing with a rug merchant, the object is to get the best possible deal. Unlike a rug merchant, there is the future to consider. Again, I liken the bankruptcy to irresponsible parenting.
I am not suggesting the UAW is blameless. But casting blame is failure to accept responsibility in the situation. For one party to have “too much”, the other party must overindulge. Management had many chances to stand strong over the past 70 years. Closing the door after the horse ran away seems rather futile.
Unions are the best way a working class can achieve a level of life that is respectable. Management acted as an uninvolved, overly indulgent parent that threw money at its employees to keep them content. When the well ran dry, they punished their children for drinking the seemingly unending supply of water. Rather than find more water together, the companies took their bucket and found less thirsty children, abandoning the ones that had been quenched.
But to blame the unions for drinking all the water without blaming those who let the bucket splash all over the ground is unfair. They got in this mess together. Management and Labor need to come back down the hill with a full bucket of water so nobody goes thirsty.
As General Motor’s announces bankruptcy, repeatedly, blame is cast towards the UAW and labor unions.
I liken what is happening to a wealthy parent who didn’t say “no” in time. It rarely gets mentioned when unions are attacked that all wages and benefits given to the employees are clearly outlined in a mutually agreed upon legally binding contract. There isn’t a union agreement in this nation that isn’t signed by both management and labor and authenticated by the government. That creates a system of checks and balances; a microism of our national government. This is the core of collective bargaining. Management agrees to the contractual terms as readily as the union.
To be part of a contract negotiation is no picnic. It is equally nerve wracking for either side. Every proposal is filled with opportunity, in the truest sense of capitalism. “How much can we make?” resonates on both sides. Like dealing with a rug merchant, the object is to get the best possible deal. Unlike a rug merchant, there is the future to consider. Again, I liken the bankruptcy to irresponsible parenting.
I am not suggesting the UAW is blameless. But casting blame is failure to accept responsibility in the situation. For one party to have “too much”, the other party must overindulge. Management had many chances to stand strong over the past 70 years. Closing the door after the horse ran away seems rather futile.
Unions are the best way a working class can achieve a level of life that is respectable. Management acted as an uninvolved, overly indulgent parent that threw money at its employees to keep them content. When the well ran dry, they punished their children for drinking the seemingly unending supply of water. Rather than find more water together, the companies took their bucket and found less thirsty children, abandoning the ones that had been quenched.
But to blame the unions for drinking all the water without blaming those who let the bucket splash all over the ground is unfair. They got in this mess together. Management and Labor need to come back down the hill with a full bucket of water so nobody goes thirsty.
May 20, 2009
Redundant Statements of the Obvious
Brought to you by the I <3 ____ bumper sticker people.
I've become rather active on the social network site, Facebook. It's like having a party with every single person I've ever known in my life. It's better than my wedding, graduation, or college frat parties rolled into one tidy wall. If anyone gets tipsy on the virtual drinks, I don't have to worry that I'll be sued for overserving and we can buy rounds on a regular basis without worrying about our pockets getting lighter. It's a win/win proposition.
We're busy laughing and posting silly things on each others' walls, and suddenly I get an invitation to join a group called "I Hate Cancer". Who wouldn't join such a group? Perhaps the manufacturers of chemotherapy drugs? While they may not love cancer, the demise of cancer would certainly put them out of a job. I suppose I have no reason to NOT hate cancer, but I feel rather silly proclaiming it. Of course I hate cancer, (not to be confused with zodiac sign of Cancer, many of whom I love dearly). But do I need to state such a thing? I felt irrationally guilted into joining, and now am a reluctant member of cancer haters.
Then the next invite came in. I love my daughter. I felt I could reasonably ignore that invitation. I have two daughters and there was no "I love my daughter(S)" group. I didn't want my girls to ask me which one of them I meant. And by loving one daughter, would the other feel excluded. So I'm not a member of the I Love my Daughter group.
Would anyone like to join my "I think it's obvious what I love and what I hate" group?
I've become rather active on the social network site, Facebook. It's like having a party with every single person I've ever known in my life. It's better than my wedding, graduation, or college frat parties rolled into one tidy wall. If anyone gets tipsy on the virtual drinks, I don't have to worry that I'll be sued for overserving and we can buy rounds on a regular basis without worrying about our pockets getting lighter. It's a win/win proposition.
We're busy laughing and posting silly things on each others' walls, and suddenly I get an invitation to join a group called "I Hate Cancer". Who wouldn't join such a group? Perhaps the manufacturers of chemotherapy drugs? While they may not love cancer, the demise of cancer would certainly put them out of a job. I suppose I have no reason to NOT hate cancer, but I feel rather silly proclaiming it. Of course I hate cancer, (not to be confused with zodiac sign of Cancer, many of whom I love dearly). But do I need to state such a thing? I felt irrationally guilted into joining, and now am a reluctant member of cancer haters.
Then the next invite came in. I love my daughter. I felt I could reasonably ignore that invitation. I have two daughters and there was no "I love my daughter(S)" group. I didn't want my girls to ask me which one of them I meant. And by loving one daughter, would the other feel excluded. So I'm not a member of the I Love my Daughter group.
Would anyone like to join my "I think it's obvious what I love and what I hate" group?
May 18, 2009
Clap Your Hands!
Some of you remember the story of the young boy I teach in Sunday School, the autistic one. I love him to pieces. His quirks endear me. J and I get along famously. A few weeks ago when I tried to get him back on track with a lesson, I said, J, you know how I know so much about Supermario from you? I want to give you that same gift about the lesson. I want to be the one who teaches you the way you teach me...
He lit up and said, I teach you about Mario Bros.? I said, absolutely. How else would I know about Luigi and Wario (the evil version of Mario, I'm told). And off he went on his elaboration of more about Supermario... so much for that!
If you've ever been around an autistic child, you know that there is a piece of their brain that just never puts them on track with the moment. I am not an expert in the least. I merely understand that they don't get it. I realize that his inattention has nothing to do with poor manners or lack of respect. It is in his brain. I see past my agenda and try to relate to his. His agenda is to behave the best he can until class is over so he is allowed to play his video games. I have to report to his father every week how he behaved so they determine if he can play Mario or not.
His agenda rarely is conducive to teaching the class. There are days I wonder if I taught ANYTHING. I keep forgetting, I am not the teacher. Because I learn much more than I teach. The books of the Old and New Testaments will not go away. The prayers remain the same, and the history of Martin Luther remains in print. The time to learn from J is this instant.
The days when J kisses me four times at the end of class, because J gives four kisses to people he likes, teach me something I can never capture in a lesson plan. I try to capture it in my humble blog. I try to take what I learn from this exceptional young man and spread the word. It's not happening.
Yesterday we had our last class until the fall. I let the kids pick through the box of teaching tools I had. Take whatever you want, it's yours. There were balls, Frisbees, plastic hand clappers, Styrofoam planes, stickers.
J took the hand clapper. And clapped, and clapped. The remainder of class he clapped. He went to the car clapping them. I did not envy his dad's long ride home accompanied by the clapper. I'm sure he is still trying to find the words to thank me for giving J a plastic clapper.
Then I realized.
He took my standing ovation for a fabulous year with him.
Because I am still clapping, too.
He lit up and said, I teach you about Mario Bros.? I said, absolutely. How else would I know about Luigi and Wario (the evil version of Mario, I'm told). And off he went on his elaboration of more about Supermario... so much for that!
If you've ever been around an autistic child, you know that there is a piece of their brain that just never puts them on track with the moment. I am not an expert in the least. I merely understand that they don't get it. I realize that his inattention has nothing to do with poor manners or lack of respect. It is in his brain. I see past my agenda and try to relate to his. His agenda is to behave the best he can until class is over so he is allowed to play his video games. I have to report to his father every week how he behaved so they determine if he can play Mario or not.
His agenda rarely is conducive to teaching the class. There are days I wonder if I taught ANYTHING. I keep forgetting, I am not the teacher. Because I learn much more than I teach. The books of the Old and New Testaments will not go away. The prayers remain the same, and the history of Martin Luther remains in print. The time to learn from J is this instant.
The days when J kisses me four times at the end of class, because J gives four kisses to people he likes, teach me something I can never capture in a lesson plan. I try to capture it in my humble blog. I try to take what I learn from this exceptional young man and spread the word. It's not happening.
Yesterday we had our last class until the fall. I let the kids pick through the box of teaching tools I had. Take whatever you want, it's yours. There were balls, Frisbees, plastic hand clappers, Styrofoam planes, stickers.
J took the hand clapper. And clapped, and clapped. The remainder of class he clapped. He went to the car clapping them. I did not envy his dad's long ride home accompanied by the clapper. I'm sure he is still trying to find the words to thank me for giving J a plastic clapper.
Then I realized.
He took my standing ovation for a fabulous year with him.
Because I am still clapping, too.
May 15, 2009
Madness or Genius?
I've had the privilege of knowing some extremely intelligent people in my walk of life. I gravitate towards them, eager perhaps to learn something just from being in their aura. I always feel like a fringe member of the elite intellects, knowing that every so often I really will completely understand them, but more often than not, I'll only have a cursory grasp of their topics. I eagerly wait for the moments of absolute clarity.
I have a friend from college. I will call him David, because, well that was his name. I tried to think of a fake name for him, but then my story would not be true. David was "the quintessetial old student". Every college has them, the back to school student who blows away the grade curves. What was unusual about David was that actually chose to live in the dormitories, with us wild just barely out of our teens kids. He wanted to be near the library to study. David was the roommate of one of my friends from work. When we could pry David away from the books, he would join us for dinner. Everybody thought we were just being nice to "the old guy", but the truth is?
He was fascinating. David was going back to school to get a law degree, doing his undergraduate work. He had a psychiatry degree and had been over in Viet Nam. So even during Nam, he was probably "the old guy", compared to the average age of the soldiers he worked with. Indeed, he had a fatherly air to him, and incredibly insightful. We would talk and he'd get a serious look on his face, and just listen. He would guess things about me that I never mentioned. I am sure it was his psychiatry training. He would advise us about life and the world as he saw it. We thought he was so wise and a heck of a study partner, too. Everyone wants to be friends with the person who gets perfect test scores.
In Viet Nam, he had two tours of duty, but his wife was back home. When he came back, she apparently had fallen in love with someone else and left him. His story gets fuzzy here, but something happened, that he blamed on her, and he lost his medical license. He was a broken man.
He met a woman who helped him get back on his feet and they were deeply in love. He kept her picture on his desk and also inside his notebook. She died in a tragic accident before they could be married, so all he had was her pictures. She was a beautiful woman. David's genius seems to cross to madness, because he also blamed his ex wife for her death. He apparently couldn't get anyone to believe him, so he decided to take it upon himself to right the wrongs of his life by getting a law degree.
This is about the time I met him. He was finishing up his undergraduate work, where he maintained a 4.0. We could talk for hours, but whenever he talked about his ex or his dead fiance, it would be a bit manic. We were so much younger than he, we didn't know what true love was yet, so our best reaction was to politely listen.
He received his dual degree with highest honors, applied and was accepted to law school. On the first exam, he didn't get his usual perfect score. I no longer wondered if he was a bit crazy, but knew, because he blamed his ex wife out on the west coast for that, too. He explained with rage simmering in his voice, how she had gotten to his professors and somehow convinced them, perhaps through bribes, to fail him so he couldn't get his degree and exact justice on her.
He dropped out of school and checked into a VA hospital. We wrote letters back and forth, just keeping in touch. He came home a year later, and went back to law school. Shortly after that, he and I lost track of each other but another mutual friend told me he dropped out again, and was living in his mom's basement.
A couple years ago, I was reading the paper and saw the names of the recent law school grads. His name was listed. Somewhere, across the miles and years later, I hugged, and prayed.
Maybe he finally got it right.
I have a friend from college. I will call him David, because, well that was his name. I tried to think of a fake name for him, but then my story would not be true. David was "the quintessetial old student". Every college has them, the back to school student who blows away the grade curves. What was unusual about David was that actually chose to live in the dormitories, with us wild just barely out of our teens kids. He wanted to be near the library to study. David was the roommate of one of my friends from work. When we could pry David away from the books, he would join us for dinner. Everybody thought we were just being nice to "the old guy", but the truth is?
He was fascinating. David was going back to school to get a law degree, doing his undergraduate work. He had a psychiatry degree and had been over in Viet Nam. So even during Nam, he was probably "the old guy", compared to the average age of the soldiers he worked with. Indeed, he had a fatherly air to him, and incredibly insightful. We would talk and he'd get a serious look on his face, and just listen. He would guess things about me that I never mentioned. I am sure it was his psychiatry training. He would advise us about life and the world as he saw it. We thought he was so wise and a heck of a study partner, too. Everyone wants to be friends with the person who gets perfect test scores.
In Viet Nam, he had two tours of duty, but his wife was back home. When he came back, she apparently had fallen in love with someone else and left him. His story gets fuzzy here, but something happened, that he blamed on her, and he lost his medical license. He was a broken man.
He met a woman who helped him get back on his feet and they were deeply in love. He kept her picture on his desk and also inside his notebook. She died in a tragic accident before they could be married, so all he had was her pictures. She was a beautiful woman. David's genius seems to cross to madness, because he also blamed his ex wife for her death. He apparently couldn't get anyone to believe him, so he decided to take it upon himself to right the wrongs of his life by getting a law degree.
This is about the time I met him. He was finishing up his undergraduate work, where he maintained a 4.0. We could talk for hours, but whenever he talked about his ex or his dead fiance, it would be a bit manic. We were so much younger than he, we didn't know what true love was yet, so our best reaction was to politely listen.
He received his dual degree with highest honors, applied and was accepted to law school. On the first exam, he didn't get his usual perfect score. I no longer wondered if he was a bit crazy, but knew, because he blamed his ex wife out on the west coast for that, too. He explained with rage simmering in his voice, how she had gotten to his professors and somehow convinced them, perhaps through bribes, to fail him so he couldn't get his degree and exact justice on her.
He dropped out of school and checked into a VA hospital. We wrote letters back and forth, just keeping in touch. He came home a year later, and went back to law school. Shortly after that, he and I lost track of each other but another mutual friend told me he dropped out again, and was living in his mom's basement.
A couple years ago, I was reading the paper and saw the names of the recent law school grads. His name was listed. Somewhere, across the miles and years later, I hugged, and prayed.
Maybe he finally got it right.
May 14, 2009
Why Yes, Officer, I do believe I was speeding, BUT...
The summer after I graduated from college, the first thing I did was buy a brand new car. It was my first nonused car in life. I had driven some real clunkers through the college years, memorable vehicles, all of them. But I was now an adult with a full time job and no tuition bills. I could afford a new car. Barely.
I went to the dealer with a budget of $150/month. I wasn't thinking I could afford a new car, but I could at least afford a DECENT used car with less than 6 figures on the odometer. A car I didn't have to keep a case of oil in the back to reload every 100 miles as I drove with a trail of blue smoke spewing from the pipe of my Chevette. Yes, I admit I owned one. I didn't have to drive a car with an old stop sign bolted to the driver side floor because the floor had rusted out.
I was ready for some WHEELS! The salesman said he could get me in a BRAND NEW NEVER BEEN DRIVEN CAR for $158 a month. I hesitated for a moment. Keep in mind, 20 years ago, that $8 bought a lot more than it had today. But it also probably bought $8 less repairs, and I was able to get 0% financing. Moment over, I was on my way to owning a new car. This new car didn't even have a radio, or power anything. It was even a manual shift. But it was NEW. It had that smell versus the dry rotted sun bleached smell of my prior vehicles.
To celebrate ownership of my new vehicle, I convinced my best friend to take a trip with me to the beach in New Jersey. I spent my teenage summers there, but this was the first year I rented my OWN house, not my parents. We made the trek. I always loved going to Jersey because we were so close to NYC and the beach. The best of both worlds.We had gone up to the city for the evening to do some shopping and have dinner. During the drive up, not a single car on the the Garden State Parkway was going under 75 MPH. I kept up with the traffic nicely. On the way back to our beach house, I maintained a similar speed but I was one of the only cars on the road. Prime pickings for the officer. I got pulled over.
I still had temporary tags on my new car, from the great state of Ohio. This absolutely gorgeous specimen of man in uniform appeared at my window. Flashing my most charming smile, I conjured every ounce of feigned innocence and inquired what the problem was. I knew I had been speeding and he confirmed that. I'm not quite sure where I found the boldness, but I retorted and said, "You know, I'm from out of state, and when I drove this parkway around 4 PM, everyone was driving 75, I just figured it was the native protocol."
He agreed with my assessment but pointed out that there was no traffic to keep up with. Then he asked what I was doing in Jersey. I said I had just graduated from college and was spending a week at the beach to celebrate. We made a bit of small talk about what a great basketball team my school had, and what I studied and then he cut the conversation short and took my license and started to walk back to his car to fill out the ticket. I was shocked!
I thought we were halfway to the altar, NOT to a ticket. I hung out my window and said, "Hey, wait a minute, get back here!" He smirked and came back with a single word, "What?"
I began to babble somewhat nervously and said, "You don't really want to ruin my vacation, do you? You know if you write this ticket, I'm not going to pay it. What would you do, chase me down to Ohio to pay it? Have some mercy on an out of towner so I return to your state, please?" I'm pretty sure I also batted my eyes. The act of a desperate girl who knew that the ticket would more than eat up the slim budget I had.
I think my boldness shocked him. To this day, I don't know how it worked, but he looked at me, handed me my license, and said "getouttaheah and have a good vacation" in his Tony Soprano accent. I smiled and thanked him for saving my vacation, and went to drive off.
He went back to his cruiser, flashed his lights, got on the megaphone and yelled, SLOW DOWN! I am a hero with my friends in Jersey. I'm told NOBODY gets out of a ticket from a Statey. But I did, and I have a witness. I am legendary.
Have you ever gotten out of a ticket that you know you deserved?
I went to the dealer with a budget of $150/month. I wasn't thinking I could afford a new car, but I could at least afford a DECENT used car with less than 6 figures on the odometer. A car I didn't have to keep a case of oil in the back to reload every 100 miles as I drove with a trail of blue smoke spewing from the pipe of my Chevette. Yes, I admit I owned one. I didn't have to drive a car with an old stop sign bolted to the driver side floor because the floor had rusted out.
I was ready for some WHEELS! The salesman said he could get me in a BRAND NEW NEVER BEEN DRIVEN CAR for $158 a month. I hesitated for a moment. Keep in mind, 20 years ago, that $8 bought a lot more than it had today. But it also probably bought $8 less repairs, and I was able to get 0% financing. Moment over, I was on my way to owning a new car. This new car didn't even have a radio, or power anything. It was even a manual shift. But it was NEW. It had that smell versus the dry rotted sun bleached smell of my prior vehicles.
To celebrate ownership of my new vehicle, I convinced my best friend to take a trip with me to the beach in New Jersey. I spent my teenage summers there, but this was the first year I rented my OWN house, not my parents. We made the trek. I always loved going to Jersey because we were so close to NYC and the beach. The best of both worlds.We had gone up to the city for the evening to do some shopping and have dinner. During the drive up, not a single car on the the Garden State Parkway was going under 75 MPH. I kept up with the traffic nicely. On the way back to our beach house, I maintained a similar speed but I was one of the only cars on the road. Prime pickings for the officer. I got pulled over.
I still had temporary tags on my new car, from the great state of Ohio. This absolutely gorgeous specimen of man in uniform appeared at my window. Flashing my most charming smile, I conjured every ounce of feigned innocence and inquired what the problem was. I knew I had been speeding and he confirmed that. I'm not quite sure where I found the boldness, but I retorted and said, "You know, I'm from out of state, and when I drove this parkway around 4 PM, everyone was driving 75, I just figured it was the native protocol."
He agreed with my assessment but pointed out that there was no traffic to keep up with. Then he asked what I was doing in Jersey. I said I had just graduated from college and was spending a week at the beach to celebrate. We made a bit of small talk about what a great basketball team my school had, and what I studied and then he cut the conversation short and took my license and started to walk back to his car to fill out the ticket. I was shocked!
I thought we were halfway to the altar, NOT to a ticket. I hung out my window and said, "Hey, wait a minute, get back here!" He smirked and came back with a single word, "What?"
I began to babble somewhat nervously and said, "You don't really want to ruin my vacation, do you? You know if you write this ticket, I'm not going to pay it. What would you do, chase me down to Ohio to pay it? Have some mercy on an out of towner so I return to your state, please?" I'm pretty sure I also batted my eyes. The act of a desperate girl who knew that the ticket would more than eat up the slim budget I had.
I think my boldness shocked him. To this day, I don't know how it worked, but he looked at me, handed me my license, and said "getouttaheah and have a good vacation" in his Tony Soprano accent. I smiled and thanked him for saving my vacation, and went to drive off.
He went back to his cruiser, flashed his lights, got on the megaphone and yelled, SLOW DOWN! I am a hero with my friends in Jersey. I'm told NOBODY gets out of a ticket from a Statey. But I did, and I have a witness. I am legendary.
Have you ever gotten out of a ticket that you know you deserved?
May 12, 2009
Ready, Let's Sew...
Today's post features a guest blogger, my child. It's my blog so I can do this sort of stuff from time to time. She wrote this paper for a class and I was so impressed that I want to feature her here. Proud parents can do that. She is 13, and keep in mind I NEVER saw the essay the whole time she was working on it. I had NO input in it whatsoever.
For your reading pleasure, I present, Ms. Mini Fresh:
"And this year's Ready Let's Sew winner and state fair participant is..." Ridden with the bitterness of losing, I swallowed, trying to lose the sour taste in my mouth. Blinking rapidly, I tried to keep the wetness out of my eyes.
I'd thought I'd been one of the better ones, at least well enough to get one of the 15 honorable mentions. Which little farmer won it this year?, my thoughts mocking whoever won the contest. I mean, I know that my mom said 4-H isn't just for country kids, but I didn't completely believe her. I had joined 4-H two months earlier, in the sewing and cooking categories. In the sewing room of our troop leader's hours, I had worked for 10 hours, stitching each seam as close to perfection as I could. Finally the big day of judging arrived. I double checked my teal-with-brown-polka-dots cargo shorts, messenger bag and scrunchy all had firm seams, and no wrinkles.
Earlier that day, I had had my first round of judging for my shorts. I got an A. Not a big deal. Everyone did, unless you didn't do any work at all. We went home for lunch, and came back at 5 for the second round of judging. The second round of judging was optional. You could do it if you wanted to try for a ribbon, or a state fair invitation. When we got there, there was a half-hour of utter confusion, and then it was almost time. We all knew when our turn was, and where to walk on the runway. I had gotten a yellow tag with the number 47 on it, which meant I was the forty-seventh contestant in our category. We slowly shuffled upstairs by category. After all 300+ of us were seated we all pretended to watch the scuffed black runway beneath us, but we were all looking at the competition, sizing it up. After a few moment of spying, I began to feel very out of place. Everyone else was wearing a cute, colorful, floral-print skirt, whereas I was wearing almost-boy-cargo shorts. I'm gonna fail 'cause I don't look anything like anyone else.
With a start, I finally noticed the group that was walking on the runway. Hey! My friend is in Frugal Fashions! I liked how people managed to find a great outfit for $5.00, but was internally laughing when someone thought they got a great deal spending $30.00. I didn't like the fact that they didn't sew, though. They got to show off with the people who worked for days sewing, and they didn't even spend one shopping. About a half-hour later, it was time for our category. We quietly got up, and someone led us through a twisting and turning back way, and we wound up behind the stage. We counted off into 2 groups, and each group took a side on the runway. Watching impatiently, I waited for my turn. When I finally got to see the stage, I began to get very nervous.
I got to watch each of the judges' faces, but they didn't give much away. All I wanted at that point was for them not to hate my outfit visibly. How embarrassing it would be for them to make a face, and grimace until I was done. Finally it was my turn. I walked carefully, so I didn't trip in my wedges (I can't walk normally in any shoe besides a flat. I swear I find as many things as possible I can trip over). Fortunately, I made it to the end without a single stumble. As I walked off the runway, I was handed a homemade ribbon, and a goodie bag that only a sewer would want; with a seam ripper and a retractable measuring tape. I made my way upstairs, and was consumed in my own thoughts for the rest of the show. I only paid attention when someone I knew was on the runway. I really can't tell you what happened during the rest of the show, other than the music really started to bug me. But finally, it was time for judging. First they did awards for leaders and helpers, and then it was time for the contestants. They went slowly through the honorable mentions, and I eagerly listened for my name. I was positive I was going to get a prize. When the honorable mentions came and went, I was a little disappointed that I wasn't picked. Some of those kids still had threads hanging off their skirts! Well, maybe I was good enough to get third place. I was positive I wouldn't get first or second place. There were much better ensembles than mine. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I could probably be 3rd place. By then all the honorable mentions were done being called, and it was time for the top three in each category.
They announced Frugal Fashion's winners, which went right over my head. I was too impatient for the Ready, Let's Sew winners. "And this year's third place for Ready Let's Sew is..." The announcer's mike blared enough to make people cringe. I can't remember who won third place, other than it wasn't me. Misery washed over me. I caught my mom's eye and realized that we both had the same look of disappointment. I hadn't expected her to understand, winning State Fair ribbons left and right when she was a kid. Even though it was nice of her, I didn't want the pick-me-up ice cream and "You'll do better next year's". Even if I had gotten an honorable mention, it would have been better than this total public humiliation. I turned my attention back to the announcer. Even though I knew I hadn't won, I was still curious to see who did. "And this year's Ready, Let's Sew winner and State Fair participant is... MINI FRESH!" I gasped, and my jaw dropped. I had never really believed people's jaws dropped until then. After a moment of shock, my shocked look was replaced with a smile from ear to ear. I won! I won! I had beaten the odds and come out on top. I practically skipped up the runway to collect my ribbons. I was so happy. You can't possibly understand how happy I was. It was as though the world was perfect in that one moment, that one snapshot.
May 11, 2009
Dancing with the Clouds
She wore ruby red glittery Mary Janes. My children had similar shoes in their dress up box and I always smiled when they wanted to wear them in public. Perhaps they fancied themselves a modern day Dorothy, swept away by the tornado of activities, but with an assured way to still return home.
Magic shoes have always captivated me. I know when she put them on her feet, she was charmed, too. I would have snapped a surreptitious photo if cameras had been allowed, but we were at the Warhol museum and photography is prohibited. The irony was not lost on me. A museum devoted to a man who never met a photo opportunity he didn’t like, didn’t allow photography. I was tempted to sneak a photo, but security cameras were recording our every move. (Mercifully, someone braver than I took the attached photo). Big brother watched more carefully than I did. I wonder if the not so hidden cameras saw the red sparkling shoes.
Magic shoes in Warhol’s magic cloud room, a room filled with silver Mylar pillow balloons, migrating slowly around the room propelled by fans. The art is interactive and kinetic, with clouds floating gently around the room; brushing the people, moving away, and drifting near again.
It was enchanting and starkly juxtaposed with the macabre exhibits on the same floor of the gallery. Prior to discovering the Clouds, we saw suicide photos, grisly car accidents, skulls of many pop art colors.
Andy Warhol is one of my favorite artists because he looked at everyday things in ways nobody ever had before. He saw art in soup labels and newspaper headlines. It was art because he said it was art, not because it had ever been even noticed prior. He boxed the contents of what appeared to be the equivalent of a junk drawer and called it a time capsule. The museum encased his unused Christmas cards, pens and business correspondence in a display and we looked. We nodded our heads, knowingly, and looked a bit more. The voyeur was thrilled to glimpse, and even gaze. He made people look twice.
Because I couldn’t take a photo, I looked twice at the little girl in the ruby red slippers. My eyes followed from her feet to her head, filled with ringlets and bright eyes and a giggle that echoed as the clouds drifted around her. The children in the cloud room were simply grateful to play and have a respite from the galleries. The clouds floated by shining and reflecting her glittery shoes.
Children swinging their arms, batting the clouds like makeshift volleyballs, the clouds were indifferent to the glee and continued their steady calm drift. The children danced with joy. The ruby red slippers sparkled against the shiny silver chrome of the little girl’s wheelchair.
Her mother wheeled her back out and I knew, her shoes were indeed magic. For a moment in time, she danced in the clouds.
Magic shoes have always captivated me. I know when she put them on her feet, she was charmed, too. I would have snapped a surreptitious photo if cameras had been allowed, but we were at the Warhol museum and photography is prohibited. The irony was not lost on me. A museum devoted to a man who never met a photo opportunity he didn’t like, didn’t allow photography. I was tempted to sneak a photo, but security cameras were recording our every move. (Mercifully, someone braver than I took the attached photo). Big brother watched more carefully than I did. I wonder if the not so hidden cameras saw the red sparkling shoes.
Magic shoes in Warhol’s magic cloud room, a room filled with silver Mylar pillow balloons, migrating slowly around the room propelled by fans. The art is interactive and kinetic, with clouds floating gently around the room; brushing the people, moving away, and drifting near again.
It was enchanting and starkly juxtaposed with the macabre exhibits on the same floor of the gallery. Prior to discovering the Clouds, we saw suicide photos, grisly car accidents, skulls of many pop art colors.
Andy Warhol is one of my favorite artists because he looked at everyday things in ways nobody ever had before. He saw art in soup labels and newspaper headlines. It was art because he said it was art, not because it had ever been even noticed prior. He boxed the contents of what appeared to be the equivalent of a junk drawer and called it a time capsule. The museum encased his unused Christmas cards, pens and business correspondence in a display and we looked. We nodded our heads, knowingly, and looked a bit more. The voyeur was thrilled to glimpse, and even gaze. He made people look twice.
Because I couldn’t take a photo, I looked twice at the little girl in the ruby red slippers. My eyes followed from her feet to her head, filled with ringlets and bright eyes and a giggle that echoed as the clouds drifted around her. The children in the cloud room were simply grateful to play and have a respite from the galleries. The clouds floated by shining and reflecting her glittery shoes.
Children swinging their arms, batting the clouds like makeshift volleyballs, the clouds were indifferent to the glee and continued their steady calm drift. The children danced with joy. The ruby red slippers sparkled against the shiny silver chrome of the little girl’s wheelchair.
Her mother wheeled her back out and I knew, her shoes were indeed magic. For a moment in time, she danced in the clouds.
May 7, 2009
Pass It On
When I was a young girl, we used to sing a song at camp called; "Pass it On"... it started like this:
It only takes a spark to get a fire going.
And soon all those around, can warm up in the glowing.
A friend of mine in another writing forum posed this question to me the other day.
I have something for you to mull over and maybe post a blog about it. Why do some of us care about humanity, in the abstract? I mean beyond our present and maybe the next generation, why do we care what happens to mankind. There is no benefit to us what so ever. This caring, transcends all cultures and all religion.
I know a tweak when I see one. I know that he meant the "no benefit" comment to rile me. Sure, on an impersonal level, why should we care? If we believe in heaven or some sort of afterlife or post world consciousness; we'll be there, not here. If we believe in no higher power, life ends when we do. He has a point, it transcends religion and culture. Why should we care about what happens when we're gone?
This is the sort of collective energy that I believe makes up all of us. We are not separate. We are not singular. We are One. This is where my Christianity and New Agey-ness and Hippie mentality meld. We are One. We are interconnected with silken threads. Chaos theory states that a butterfly flapping its wings in one part of the world can cause a tornado in another part. Nothing we do happens in a vacuum.
Consider the random acts of kindness movement. Consider what happens when we extend a hand to a stranger. Consider the idea of paying it forward. It comes full circle. When we sow seeds of love, we reap it not just in loaves and fishes but in positive energy. When you answer a phone with a smile on your face, the person who cannot see you on the other end hears that you’re happy. A collective consciousness is present.
I've only addressed today, I still have not addressed why it matters for the future. There are so many things we have yet to understand, but I feel those days are very near. Today, I estimate this post will reach at least 10 people. By next week, it may reach 100. It started with one person. This is the power of our instant communication.
I believe our time/space continuum is not a straight line. We just don't understand the hyperbolic nature of it... yet. I'm not a physicist or a mathematician, so I won't be as bold as to attempt any sort of explanation, other than I think it's possible. Our universe is infinite. Everything that could happen, is/does/will/has.
I do know that from a purely selfish view, when I visit an old favorite place, I want it to still be lovely. I drive past my childhood home on occasion and I want to see the same beauty I saw as a child. I want to keep those eyes of a child for eternity. It is a tenet of my Christian faith, to see the world as a child, but it applies to all people.
This is the personal responsibility we have. Protecting the future is important, because it could be our own. Life spans are longer, I believe they are eternal. It's not just science fiction. Everything and everyone lasts longer (when we want it to and don't plan for obsolescence).
The future is now. It is yesterday and it is forever. Let's protect it today.
...Once you've experienced it, you want to sing
"It's fresh like spring"; you want to pass it on.
Dare you.
It only takes a spark to get a fire going.
And soon all those around, can warm up in the glowing.
A friend of mine in another writing forum posed this question to me the other day.
I have something for you to mull over and maybe post a blog about it. Why do some of us care about humanity, in the abstract? I mean beyond our present and maybe the next generation, why do we care what happens to mankind. There is no benefit to us what so ever. This caring, transcends all cultures and all religion.
I know a tweak when I see one. I know that he meant the "no benefit" comment to rile me. Sure, on an impersonal level, why should we care? If we believe in heaven or some sort of afterlife or post world consciousness; we'll be there, not here. If we believe in no higher power, life ends when we do. He has a point, it transcends religion and culture. Why should we care about what happens when we're gone?
This is the sort of collective energy that I believe makes up all of us. We are not separate. We are not singular. We are One. This is where my Christianity and New Agey-ness and Hippie mentality meld. We are One. We are interconnected with silken threads. Chaos theory states that a butterfly flapping its wings in one part of the world can cause a tornado in another part. Nothing we do happens in a vacuum.
Consider the random acts of kindness movement. Consider what happens when we extend a hand to a stranger. Consider the idea of paying it forward. It comes full circle. When we sow seeds of love, we reap it not just in loaves and fishes but in positive energy. When you answer a phone with a smile on your face, the person who cannot see you on the other end hears that you’re happy. A collective consciousness is present.
I've only addressed today, I still have not addressed why it matters for the future. There are so many things we have yet to understand, but I feel those days are very near. Today, I estimate this post will reach at least 10 people. By next week, it may reach 100. It started with one person. This is the power of our instant communication.
I believe our time/space continuum is not a straight line. We just don't understand the hyperbolic nature of it... yet. I'm not a physicist or a mathematician, so I won't be as bold as to attempt any sort of explanation, other than I think it's possible. Our universe is infinite. Everything that could happen, is/does/will/has.
I do know that from a purely selfish view, when I visit an old favorite place, I want it to still be lovely. I drive past my childhood home on occasion and I want to see the same beauty I saw as a child. I want to keep those eyes of a child for eternity. It is a tenet of my Christian faith, to see the world as a child, but it applies to all people.
This is the personal responsibility we have. Protecting the future is important, because it could be our own. Life spans are longer, I believe they are eternal. It's not just science fiction. Everything and everyone lasts longer (when we want it to and don't plan for obsolescence).
The future is now. It is yesterday and it is forever. Let's protect it today.
...Once you've experienced it, you want to sing
"It's fresh like spring"; you want to pass it on.
Dare you.
May 5, 2009
May Flowers
Seven years ago May 1st, my grandfather died. He was an incredible man. Nobody ever met him who didn't love him. My brother named his first child after him, under the hope that someday, someone would say, "I knew a great guy with that name." I have no doubt it will happen. When his bride joined him on Christmas Eve this past year, I was happy that they were reunited. I don't have any answers about the afterlife, but I do believe they are together in some way or form.
Last Friday, along with reverently remembering Grandpa, we celebrated the birth of a new child, his great granddaughter and baby sister of the boy who carries on his name. Probably the last child with the same last name as him. Our day of family grief now holds hands with family joy.
Life is beautiful that way. While a calendar is somewhat arbitrary, we still use it to mark our days. In our family, we have a lot of shared days. My aunt and uncle share a birthday as well as my uncle and I, my twin brothers, and my daughter and my cousin.
For me, it's a reminder that we never walk alone.
In our sorrow or in our joy, we are never alone.
We welcome our little May Flower and all the love she brings into our world.
April 28, 2009
Lights
http://freshfreeemail.blogspot.com/2009/02/loving-joseph.html
I posted about the other man in my life a few months ago. Now it's progressed past crush stage.
We had our first kiss.
My young friend J is a treasure.
I teach Sunday School every week, and quite frankly, it's a dirge. I show up filled with enthusiasm, eager to open bright young minds and my class, more often than not is J and ... My own child.
My spouse stays because he knows that if all the students show, my hands are full. But that's rare. There are two or three other students who show maybe ever other week, but in essence, class is me, my child, my husband and J.
And J is in his own place. He is there because Dad takes him and he will leave "when Dad is here" and often he wants me to go to the car and make sure dad knows J was good.
I love J. Each week it takes every ounce of my willpower not to hug or kiss him and love him to pieces. He charms me.
I prepare my lessons hoping to find a spark of joy, a place my students relate to. It's rare. But I'm not doing this for me. I'm doing this... gosh yesterday I knew why, but the truth is, there are days I don't know why I do this.
J is fixated on the crystal cross he saw on TV with the Lord's Prayer he saw printed in tiny letters.
He tries to talk about Mario (from the world of Nintendo).
I tell him as soon as we finish the lesson. I forge onward. I talk about disciples, the spread of Christianity, the history of how it was learned. I talk about Peter as the first pope, James who stayed in Jerusalem, and Thaddeus who was rarely heard from again, but established the entire orthodox Christian following.
I am earnest. I have a lesson to share. J interrupts me again, wondering if the Dark Knight (the Batman movie he saw that weekend) had anything to do with this.
I explain that we can talk about that as soon as we finish the lesson. I pull out maps. I show journeys. I stress the amazing work of those early disciples.
J asks if Mario would die if the Dark Knight was in the game.
I smile and realize how futile my mission is. I tell J that everything I know about Mario I learned from him.
He smiles back and says, really?
Really, J. You've taught me everything I know about Mario.
How are you doing on the Lord's Prayer, I ask him. He again mentions the crystal cross he saw on TV. If I held it to light I could see all the words.
I hold J to light instead.
He shines.
Class is over, he comes to me and wraps his arms around me and kisses me on my shoulder (where he reaches) 4 times. He makes sure I know I just got "4 kisses".
They felt like 400.
I see all his words, too.
I posted about the other man in my life a few months ago. Now it's progressed past crush stage.
We had our first kiss.
My young friend J is a treasure.
I teach Sunday School every week, and quite frankly, it's a dirge. I show up filled with enthusiasm, eager to open bright young minds and my class, more often than not is J and ... My own child.
My spouse stays because he knows that if all the students show, my hands are full. But that's rare. There are two or three other students who show maybe ever other week, but in essence, class is me, my child, my husband and J.
And J is in his own place. He is there because Dad takes him and he will leave "when Dad is here" and often he wants me to go to the car and make sure dad knows J was good.
I love J. Each week it takes every ounce of my willpower not to hug or kiss him and love him to pieces. He charms me.
I prepare my lessons hoping to find a spark of joy, a place my students relate to. It's rare. But I'm not doing this for me. I'm doing this... gosh yesterday I knew why, but the truth is, there are days I don't know why I do this.
J is fixated on the crystal cross he saw on TV with the Lord's Prayer he saw printed in tiny letters.
He tries to talk about Mario (from the world of Nintendo).
I tell him as soon as we finish the lesson. I forge onward. I talk about disciples, the spread of Christianity, the history of how it was learned. I talk about Peter as the first pope, James who stayed in Jerusalem, and Thaddeus who was rarely heard from again, but established the entire orthodox Christian following.
I am earnest. I have a lesson to share. J interrupts me again, wondering if the Dark Knight (the Batman movie he saw that weekend) had anything to do with this.
I explain that we can talk about that as soon as we finish the lesson. I pull out maps. I show journeys. I stress the amazing work of those early disciples.
J asks if Mario would die if the Dark Knight was in the game.
I smile and realize how futile my mission is. I tell J that everything I know about Mario I learned from him.
He smiles back and says, really?
Really, J. You've taught me everything I know about Mario.
How are you doing on the Lord's Prayer, I ask him. He again mentions the crystal cross he saw on TV. If I held it to light I could see all the words.
I hold J to light instead.
He shines.
Class is over, he comes to me and wraps his arms around me and kisses me on my shoulder (where he reaches) 4 times. He makes sure I know I just got "4 kisses".
They felt like 400.
I see all his words, too.
April 27, 2009
Good Kids, Bad Choices
I have two daughters. They are the lights of my life. They are so talented and lovely and smart they make my teeth hurt. The sort of children every parent hopes to have. I don't know how I got so lucky. But they are great. Sometimes a bit too wise for their own good, but still...
My oldest walks the straight and narrow so well she could be a plumb line for a builder. The younger one tests the waters a bit more. She is very social and I do monitor her behavior more closely. She has a "boyfriend" (more like a grade school sweetheart), and I've laid down very strict rules. Anytime I ask, she has to hand me her cell phone so I can scroll through the text messages. If there is an inappropriate one, I will suspend her text privileges or call the parents of the inappropriate text sender. What she doesn't know is that I am a complete text doofus, and I have no intention of telling her that. Shhhhhh.
The Plumb Line, she couldn't be bothered with texting unless it discussed the latest math and science discoveries. She is the prettiest little nerd I ever met. The other day one of the girls she hangs out with skipped choir and hid in the bathroom texting. The girl was caught and got a detention. The detention was mild to the punishment my little Plumb Line had in store. She came home absolutely aghast at this girl's behavior, and planned to distance herself from this rabble rouser. I suggested she would serve her friend better by remaining a friend and setting a good example.
Then to illustrate the point, I shared one of my more embarrassing stories. When I was in 6th grade, on the verge of graduating to the JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL, I decided to leave our mark upon the elementary school we had called home for the past 6 years.
We were in a small school, one class for each grade. I was a leader of sorts in our micro-world. I convinced all the 6th grade girls of my stellar idea. We were going to write graffiti on the walls to display our obvious preparedness for the JUNIOR HIGH. We were going to use... gasp... curse words! This would be an absolute demonstration of our maturity for the big leagues.
I pondered over how to best display our readiness for Junior High. The words reached me like a vision. A phrase so filled with brilliance and the ability to use TWO, not one, curse words. I convinced my classmates that the lasting graffiti for us to leave as our legacy was:
"Shit your ass off"
Being the ringleader that I was, I wasn't going to do the actually writing. Rather, I convinced my friends to do the dirty work. And within a day, the lower 5 grades were encouraged to shit their asses off. The principal somehow or another discovered I was behind the brilliance. I was the one responsible for leaving behind such a noteworthy message for the young ones who followed. I had to stay after to clean the stalls. I'm so grateful that my followers had the sense to use pencil. I think pens were for the Junior High kids. Thank goodness we weren't deemed ready yet.
Even bad choices can be erased.
My oldest walks the straight and narrow so well she could be a plumb line for a builder. The younger one tests the waters a bit more. She is very social and I do monitor her behavior more closely. She has a "boyfriend" (more like a grade school sweetheart), and I've laid down very strict rules. Anytime I ask, she has to hand me her cell phone so I can scroll through the text messages. If there is an inappropriate one, I will suspend her text privileges or call the parents of the inappropriate text sender. What she doesn't know is that I am a complete text doofus, and I have no intention of telling her that. Shhhhhh.
The Plumb Line, she couldn't be bothered with texting unless it discussed the latest math and science discoveries. She is the prettiest little nerd I ever met. The other day one of the girls she hangs out with skipped choir and hid in the bathroom texting. The girl was caught and got a detention. The detention was mild to the punishment my little Plumb Line had in store. She came home absolutely aghast at this girl's behavior, and planned to distance herself from this rabble rouser. I suggested she would serve her friend better by remaining a friend and setting a good example.
Then to illustrate the point, I shared one of my more embarrassing stories. When I was in 6th grade, on the verge of graduating to the JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL, I decided to leave our mark upon the elementary school we had called home for the past 6 years.
We were in a small school, one class for each grade. I was a leader of sorts in our micro-world. I convinced all the 6th grade girls of my stellar idea. We were going to write graffiti on the walls to display our obvious preparedness for the JUNIOR HIGH. We were going to use... gasp... curse words! This would be an absolute demonstration of our maturity for the big leagues.
I pondered over how to best display our readiness for Junior High. The words reached me like a vision. A phrase so filled with brilliance and the ability to use TWO, not one, curse words. I convinced my classmates that the lasting graffiti for us to leave as our legacy was:
"Shit your ass off"
Being the ringleader that I was, I wasn't going to do the actually writing. Rather, I convinced my friends to do the dirty work. And within a day, the lower 5 grades were encouraged to shit their asses off. The principal somehow or another discovered I was behind the brilliance. I was the one responsible for leaving behind such a noteworthy message for the young ones who followed. I had to stay after to clean the stalls. I'm so grateful that my followers had the sense to use pencil. I think pens were for the Junior High kids. Thank goodness we weren't deemed ready yet.
Even bad choices can be erased.
The Technology Gap
When my daughter was four, I probably should have gotten an inkling. Our monthly Disney book arrived and as we opened it excitedly, I noticed that month’s selection was Mickey and the Beanstalk, a Disney-esque retelling of Jack and the Beanstalk. My memory was nudged, having heard the story repeatedly as a child. It was a favorite. We had a collection of Disney LPs, so I knew it frontwards and backwards. As I read the story to her, I even knew the voices and the songs. She stopped me and asked, “Mommy, did you have this video when you were little?”Without missing a beat, I answered, “No, I had the record.”
“What's a record?”
I should have known. It was the foreshadowing of many such conversations.
I remember black & white TV and rabbit ears. I recall only a few channels; ABC, NBC, and CBS, and for certain hours of the day PBS. I remember getting cable television in the 80s and being able to SEE the music that I had grown up with. Some of my friends had movie channels and we would watch Star Wars and Eddie and the Cruisers as many times as we wanted. The movie channels only broadcast about three movies a month, repeatedly. Videotapes were essentially for home movies and really high tech people.
My music buff friend told me about CD players. I was a loyal member of the Columbia Record Club and got my 12 free albums for a penny. CDs were of no interest to me with their shrunken artwork and miniscule lyric sheets. Plus, how could I make a favorite song cassette tape for my Walkman without my albums?
In my mid 20s I began to make the transition to CDs, and stopped buying records completely. My albums still are protected in plastic sleeves in an orange crate in the basement. I don’t know why I keep them, but I cannot imagine life without them. Visual testimony to being a music junkie.
My idea of audio visual technology is so deeply engrained in my psyche that it never occurred to me that my children wouldn’t know what a record was. I began a mission to find an old fashioned record player like we used to have in the schools, those magical self contained hinged boxes that would play either 33 or 45s. I still had my Disney albums and wanted to share the stories with my kids that way. We could just close our eyes and let our brains provide the Technicolor imagery. I asked a favorite aunt whose hobby was garage sales to keep her eyes peeled coupled with regular Ebay searches.
Finally, I found a turntable. It wasn't the self contained magical box I wanted, but it still would play records. I had to special order a needle for it and we were ready to listen to Mickey and the Beanstalk. It was every bit as memorable as I hoped, at least for me. My daughter didn’t seem to share my enthusiasm. Of course, that could have been my absolute paranoia at letting her use the turntable after the hoops I went through to get it. I don’t know for sure. It gathers dust now.
I never wanted to be the sort of parent who waxed nostalgic about “when I was a kid” complete with me leaning over a cane and having a shaky voice and peppering my speech with mutterings about whippersnappers. Our recent trip to The Smithsonian and the National Art Gallery left me with no choice. I could practically taste the shots of Geritol to keep me spry at my advanced age.
We saw a photography exhibit of Robert Frank’s work from the book The Americans, snapped throughout the 50s. It contained film proofs and early dark room prints. My children did not remember what a film camera was. I was amazed. I had one for their early years; I only made the transition to digital about six years ago. I still have canisters of undeveloped film and a few throwaway cameras. But they barely remembered cameras with film. That stunned me and I felt a bit old.
To cement that I felt my age, we saw a typewriter on display at the Smithsonian. My youngest asked me how that worked and how on earth did you correct mistakes? I explained about the white correction paper that you would backspace and slip the paper in and type over your error, backspace, pull the paper out and retype it correctly. I thought about my research papers when only the really geeky sorts used something called Word Perfect in the computer lab. I remembered a paper I wrote in college decrying the loss of typewriters, while at the same time acknowledging the need for progress. My first major purchase as an adult was indeed an electric typewriter, not a computer/word processor.
The irony of explaining a typewriter was not lost as the very next place we went was the outdoor sculpture garden, and the first artwork we saw was a giant typewriter eraser. Timing was everything.
I didn’t think about the technology gap again until yesterday. I had to stop at the store for two things and my daughter wanted to wait in the car. I handed her the keys in case she wanted to listen to the radio or a CD. She looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language as she inserted the ear buds of her iPod.
I suddenly have a taste for some Metamucil to chase the Geritol.
April 21, 2009
Driving in Traffic 101
I truly should have been born more privileged in life and had my own personal car & driver. I find driving tedious, dangerous and uncomfortable. But for a family, it's an economical and relatively hassle free way to arrive at point B from point A.
The thought of staying in my small town for an entire week was more painful than the idea of a road trip. We opted to see our nation's capitol. With the advice of some locals and a bit of research, the trip was set. In less than a 5 hour drive and all the hustle and bustle of Washington DC would be ours for the asking. Provided the drive go smoothly.
It didn't.
I literally crossed the border from MD to DC on a small narrow parkway that had signs posted what hours we could travel that direction on the road. While trying to absorb the information, the vehicle in front of me stopped suddenly. I did, too.
By hitting her. Luckily, it wasn't a serious accident, but an inconvenience. The damage was minimal, except she was driving a dealer loaner vehicle, so we had to wait for a police officer to come take a report. That also proved confusing as nobody knew whose jurisdiction the accident happened. VA, MD, or DC? It took nearly an hour to sort out, and I had a sinking feeling that my vehicle fun was only beginning.
Parking in DC is not easy either. I found what seemed to be a good lot and we braved the cold rainy day by lurking in the National Art Gallery. At 5 PM, we'd had enough since we had started so early in the day and decided to head back to the room. Rookie mistake to leave DC during 5 PM rush hour. I could have crawled back to the room more efficiently.
The 20 mile, two hour drive to our hotel in Northern VA solidified my decision that the Metro was the way to get into the city. Slight problem. No parking was available at the first Metro Station. I drove another 5 miles to the next one and found a meter, since the lots were still full. I rummaged through the bowels of my purse, the van floor and scavenged the change from the kids' wallets for all coins silver-colored.
Like a reverse slot machine, I poured in one coin after another, but no time registered on the meter. I read the fine print. It only accepted quarters, but there was no change machine in sight. Curses! OH did I! I pulled out the Mother of all swear words and tarnished the innocent ears of the Minis. We had to drive into the city. I think I scared them, as we passed two or three more Metro stations and I asked, Should I look for parking here? It was met with a resounding "NO!"
I drove right into DC around 10:30 AM and found a lovely parking garage. We decided to stay until 7 PM to avoid the rush hour. We got back that second night the same time we did by leaving at 5 PM. I felt positively local by now and decide to do the same thing the following day, Friday.
We stayed in DC for dinner and discovered that our car was locked in the garage for the WEEKEND. (No, there were no signs indicating this, apparently though I was in a university parking lot and shouldn't have parked there in the first place). HUGE PROBLEM since we planned to head home the following morning.
Fortunately, I had a guardian angel friend that we had dinner with and then drove us back to the hotel promising to bring us back to the city the next morning to figure out how to get our car out of vehicle prison, as I rattled against the aluminum door, banging for my vehicle to appear.
I was on a bit of a wild goose chase from the parking garage, to the phone number on my claim ticket, to the university police, to a 24 hour lot that I COULD have parked at had I known, back to the police to finally claim my minivan.
The best part? As the officer was walking with me to my van, he inquired, "Oh, don't they have front license plates in your state?" I sheepishly smiled, "Yes, they do, but the screw on it was bent on the way INTO DC when I bumped that vehicle, and I removed it so it wouldn't get lost."
Yet, despite all the travel trials, we had a fabulous trip and look forward to returning again. My plan next time is to stay in the city proper and take our bicycles to get around. Good idea?
The thought of staying in my small town for an entire week was more painful than the idea of a road trip. We opted to see our nation's capitol. With the advice of some locals and a bit of research, the trip was set. In less than a 5 hour drive and all the hustle and bustle of Washington DC would be ours for the asking. Provided the drive go smoothly.
It didn't.
By hitting her. Luckily, it wasn't a serious accident, but an inconvenience. The damage was minimal, except she was driving a dealer loaner vehicle, so we had to wait for a police officer to come take a report. That also proved confusing as nobody knew whose jurisdiction the accident happened. VA, MD, or DC? It took nearly an hour to sort out, and I had a sinking feeling that my vehicle fun was only beginning.
Parking in DC is not easy either. I found what seemed to be a good lot and we braved the cold rainy day by lurking in the National Art Gallery. At 5 PM, we'd had enough since we had started so early in the day and decided to head back to the room. Rookie mistake to leave DC during 5 PM rush hour. I could have crawled back to the room more efficiently.
The 20 mile, two hour drive to our hotel in Northern VA solidified my decision that the Metro was the way to get into the city. Slight problem. No parking was available at the first Metro Station. I drove another 5 miles to the next one and found a meter, since the lots were still full. I rummaged through the bowels of my purse, the van floor and scavenged the change from the kids' wallets for all coins silver-colored.
Like a reverse slot machine, I poured in one coin after another, but no time registered on the meter. I read the fine print. It only accepted quarters, but there was no change machine in sight. Curses! OH did I! I pulled out the Mother of all swear words and tarnished the innocent ears of the Minis. We had to drive into the city. I think I scared them, as we passed two or three more Metro stations and I asked, Should I look for parking here? It was met with a resounding "NO!"
I drove right into DC around 10:30 AM and found a lovely parking garage. We decided to stay until 7 PM to avoid the rush hour. We got back that second night the same time we did by leaving at 5 PM. I felt positively local by now and decide to do the same thing the following day, Friday.
We stayed in DC for dinner and discovered that our car was locked in the garage for the WEEKEND. (No, there were no signs indicating this, apparently though I was in a university parking lot and shouldn't have parked there in the first place). HUGE PROBLEM since we planned to head home the following morning.
Fortunately, I had a guardian angel friend that we had dinner with and then drove us back to the hotel promising to bring us back to the city the next morning to figure out how to get our car out of vehicle prison, as I rattled against the aluminum door, banging for my vehicle to appear.
I was on a bit of a wild goose chase from the parking garage, to the phone number on my claim ticket, to the university police, to a 24 hour lot that I COULD have parked at had I known, back to the police to finally claim my minivan.
The best part? As the officer was walking with me to my van, he inquired, "Oh, don't they have front license plates in your state?" I sheepishly smiled, "Yes, they do, but the screw on it was bent on the way INTO DC when I bumped that vehicle, and I removed it so it wouldn't get lost."
Yet, despite all the travel trials, we had a fabulous trip and look forward to returning again. My plan next time is to stay in the city proper and take our bicycles to get around. Good idea?
April 13, 2009
The Mean Mom Award Goes To...
Every summer, our family vacations with another family. We’ve done this for nearly 10 summers now. It’s perfect for everyone. The moms have someone to cook and shop with, the dads have someone to play golf with and the kids don’t kill their siblings. One of the highlights of our annual vacation is comparing Mean Mom notes. My girlfriend and I have an ongoing competition, but we always wind up in a dead heat to be the reigning Mean Mom. We try to outdo each other during the week by making the kids brush their teeth, pick up their Popsicle wrappers and clear the table after they eat. All in all, we’re quite mean, and rather proud of it.
Spring break is upon us and I thought I would get an early edge on the competition so I’m in prime shape when summer arrives. I’m tired of this “tie” nonsense. I want to win.
Our break began Thursday afternoon. My oldest was on her way back from Washington DC for a class trip and the youngest one had Little League practice. I thought that it would be best to go out for pizza to celebrate the triumphant and safe return of the oldest. Plus, I didn’t want to cook.
Our road weary traveler rolled in, and like any effective Mean Mom, I was one of the last to pick her up, by almost a whole 5 minutes. I was trying to time the end of practice and the picking up time, which were at the same time. After my oldest was safely buckled in the seat, I said, “We’re going to go for pizza.”
She wailed. “Mom, don’t make me eat another bite of junk food! That’s all I had! I’m want something healthy!”
I consider her rant testimony to my effectiveness as a Mean Mom. I have actually convinced my child that going for pizza is a bad thing, not a good one. Even worse, the cupboard was suspiciously bare, save the thawing Easter ham, since we had a lot of visiting and time away from home planned over the next few days. I was excited at my possible coup in the Mean Mom category.
Then I lost my competitive edge as I suggested that we could order pizza in for everyone else, but that I would make her sautéed spinach with garlic. In other Mean Mom competitions, that would be points, but since I’m such an effective torture administrator, my child thinks I was doing something nice with the spinach.
We made it through the night, but I didn’t score any Mean points. I tucked her in and kissed her and told her I was glad she was home. She slept 11 hours and I didn’t wake her up. I’m losing ground quickly.
Every Good Friday, we have a traditional family fish fry. The past few years, we’ve missed it because we would go to Florida to visit family. This year, we were able to make it, so that was exciting. There are a number of younger cousins, so I planned an Easter egg hunt for the lil' ones. My children who are old enough to have their own cell phones and to stop wearing clothing from Carter's also felt they were NOT too old for the hunt. I had to divide the number of eggs by two more people. I suggested they search for Chocolate Dog Yard Bombs and I would give them money. Major Mean Mom points.
Alas, they were, "not too old for the egg, but too wise for the dog poop" hunt. Curses. Foiled, again. I couldn't give up! I could see my plans to dominate the competition dwindling.
On Saturday we colored eggs. First, I made them empty the dishwasher before we could do the eggs. I had picked up one of the fancy "glittery tie dye you're so creative” egg kits. "Why can't we just do the food coloring eggs, Mom?" I made them do chores before they made fancy eggs. I think I scored a few more Mean Mom points. I may be gaining ground again.
The clincher came Easter morning. We wanted to go to early church services and they wanted to have their Easter baskets before church so they had to hurry up and get ready then they could look for them. They know there is no Easter Bunny, my oldest figured it out when she was about five and saw one wearing sneakers. She proceeded to explain to me that it while Santa and the Tooth Fairy made sense, a giant bunny did not. But I play along. I tend to be a kid at heart, too. After a dogged (no pun, I swear!) search, I told them they were hidden somewhere they see everyday, but never think about on their own. Guess where I hid the baskets?
The dishwasher.
See, there was a method to my madness the previous day.
I intend to win this Mean Mom thing yet. Hope springs eternal.
Spring break is upon us and I thought I would get an early edge on the competition so I’m in prime shape when summer arrives. I’m tired of this “tie” nonsense. I want to win.
Our break began Thursday afternoon. My oldest was on her way back from Washington DC for a class trip and the youngest one had Little League practice. I thought that it would be best to go out for pizza to celebrate the triumphant and safe return of the oldest. Plus, I didn’t want to cook.
Our road weary traveler rolled in, and like any effective Mean Mom, I was one of the last to pick her up, by almost a whole 5 minutes. I was trying to time the end of practice and the picking up time, which were at the same time. After my oldest was safely buckled in the seat, I said, “We’re going to go for pizza.”
She wailed. “Mom, don’t make me eat another bite of junk food! That’s all I had! I’m want something healthy!”
I consider her rant testimony to my effectiveness as a Mean Mom. I have actually convinced my child that going for pizza is a bad thing, not a good one. Even worse, the cupboard was suspiciously bare, save the thawing Easter ham, since we had a lot of visiting and time away from home planned over the next few days. I was excited at my possible coup in the Mean Mom category.
Then I lost my competitive edge as I suggested that we could order pizza in for everyone else, but that I would make her sautéed spinach with garlic. In other Mean Mom competitions, that would be points, but since I’m such an effective torture administrator, my child thinks I was doing something nice with the spinach.
We made it through the night, but I didn’t score any Mean points. I tucked her in and kissed her and told her I was glad she was home. She slept 11 hours and I didn’t wake her up. I’m losing ground quickly.
Every Good Friday, we have a traditional family fish fry. The past few years, we’ve missed it because we would go to Florida to visit family. This year, we were able to make it, so that was exciting. There are a number of younger cousins, so I planned an Easter egg hunt for the lil' ones. My children who are old enough to have their own cell phones and to stop wearing clothing from Carter's also felt they were NOT too old for the hunt. I had to divide the number of eggs by two more people. I suggested they search for Chocolate Dog Yard Bombs and I would give them money. Major Mean Mom points.
Alas, they were, "not too old for the egg, but too wise for the dog poop" hunt. Curses. Foiled, again. I couldn't give up! I could see my plans to dominate the competition dwindling.
On Saturday we colored eggs. First, I made them empty the dishwasher before we could do the eggs. I had picked up one of the fancy "glittery tie dye you're so creative” egg kits. "Why can't we just do the food coloring eggs, Mom?" I made them do chores before they made fancy eggs. I think I scored a few more Mean Mom points. I may be gaining ground again.
The clincher came Easter morning. We wanted to go to early church services and they wanted to have their Easter baskets before church so they had to hurry up and get ready then they could look for them. They know there is no Easter Bunny, my oldest figured it out when she was about five and saw one wearing sneakers. She proceeded to explain to me that it while Santa and the Tooth Fairy made sense, a giant bunny did not. But I play along. I tend to be a kid at heart, too. After a dogged (no pun, I swear!) search, I told them they were hidden somewhere they see everyday, but never think about on their own. Guess where I hid the baskets?
The dishwasher.
See, there was a method to my madness the previous day.
I intend to win this Mean Mom thing yet. Hope springs eternal.
April 1, 2009
Humility Reigns
Do you ever have those "Homer Simpson" moments where you smack your head and say d'oh? Except perhaps they are also coupled with intense embarrassment. Homer is never embarrassed. I am. Even when I don't have witnesses.
I drove my children to school this morning because the older one had a huge project and being the nice mom I am I didn't want her to try to wrestle it on the bus, etc. I think at times I am a bit indulgent. I refrained from the "walking six miles uphill to school in the snow" talk, but I did realize Mama NEVER drove us to school. The bus was the only option. Or walking. I never missed it, or I truly would have known what it was to walk six miles to school in the snow. But I like to think I know it, because I did have occasion to walk or ride my bike, or I just didn't go, whereas today the kids get taxied.
I suppose to assuage my feelings of being an indulgent mom, I was alert to examples of more indulgent parents than I. And wow did I find one! I was behind a bus on the way back from the school and I saw a car idling at the end of the driveway holding precious cargo that apparently was unable to wait for the bus in the elements. (it's 58 degrees here today!) Gosh, what parent does that? I felt extremely smug and important as I passed judgment on the driveway dwelling car. I had a regular mental dialogue filled with opinions about how I would not drive my car to the end of the driveway on any day just so my kids could wait for the bus. I always felt a bit smug about those bus stop shelters people built at the end of their driveway also. My sense of being overly indulgent was put back in place. Surely I am not one of THOSE parents.
Then the bus stopped and an aide got off to help the handicapped young man in the back seat use his walker to get onto the side door of the bus. I sat in my vehicle, tears welling up in my eyes.
Embarrassed by my arrogance and judgment. Thank goodness it was only a mental moment. Thank goodness more I am lucky enough to watch my children walk onto the bus with two feet.
Those moments define our lives. Papa used to always say, "I used to complain that I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet."
I feel so much less indulgent, and so much more grateful. Yes, I am not one of those parents, and my heart goes out to them. I think I'll drive the kids to school again tomorrow.
Just because I'd like to do it without mental resentment that I'm being overindulgent.
I drove my children to school this morning because the older one had a huge project and being the nice mom I am I didn't want her to try to wrestle it on the bus, etc. I think at times I am a bit indulgent. I refrained from the "walking six miles uphill to school in the snow" talk, but I did realize Mama NEVER drove us to school. The bus was the only option. Or walking. I never missed it, or I truly would have known what it was to walk six miles to school in the snow. But I like to think I know it, because I did have occasion to walk or ride my bike, or I just didn't go, whereas today the kids get taxied.
I suppose to assuage my feelings of being an indulgent mom, I was alert to examples of more indulgent parents than I. And wow did I find one! I was behind a bus on the way back from the school and I saw a car idling at the end of the driveway holding precious cargo that apparently was unable to wait for the bus in the elements. (it's 58 degrees here today!) Gosh, what parent does that? I felt extremely smug and important as I passed judgment on the driveway dwelling car. I had a regular mental dialogue filled with opinions about how I would not drive my car to the end of the driveway on any day just so my kids could wait for the bus. I always felt a bit smug about those bus stop shelters people built at the end of their driveway also. My sense of being overly indulgent was put back in place. Surely I am not one of THOSE parents.
Then the bus stopped and an aide got off to help the handicapped young man in the back seat use his walker to get onto the side door of the bus. I sat in my vehicle, tears welling up in my eyes.
Embarrassed by my arrogance and judgment. Thank goodness it was only a mental moment. Thank goodness more I am lucky enough to watch my children walk onto the bus with two feet.
Those moments define our lives. Papa used to always say, "I used to complain that I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet."
I feel so much less indulgent, and so much more grateful. Yes, I am not one of those parents, and my heart goes out to them. I think I'll drive the kids to school again tomorrow.
Just because I'd like to do it without mental resentment that I'm being overindulgent.
March 19, 2009
Time: Indifferent Mistress
Something charming happened to me today. Charming in this sense. I am watching young people around me grow up, fast. For the first time today, it didn't make me feel old. It made me remember being young. Those days didn't seem so far away instead of ages ago.
A young man, who was one of my favorite Euchre players accepted my invitation on Facebook. He was a shining star, with big dimples and bright blue eyes. I met him when he was 14 and I was the youth director at our then church. Today he's a young college student filled with life. I looked into his posted pictures and smiled remembering a conversation that seemed ages ago.
"I will never party or get drunk, Mrs. Fresh."
"Yes, sweet boy, you will. But when you're 21, I'll go have a beer with you and we'll talk about it."
"You kill brain cells when you do that."
"Yes, you do, but if I hadn't killed a few brain cells in my day, I'd be a nuclear physicist, not your youth director, so I guess it worked out for the best."
Maybe he doesn't know how much I enjoyed watching him grow up. Maybe I didn't either. I just know that today, I smiled when I saw that he was indeed growing up.
As another memory overlapped. My then 5 year old daughter watched the same young man flip a guitar pick for a church scavenger hunt, which she saved and cherished. As you know, she is a rocker girl today, loving her guitar lessons. I'm sure this small gesture was nothing more than being cool on his part, but it impacted her life tremendously. Who knew the flick of a guitar pick by this cool high school kid would shape her wishes today? As every memory swirls I know that time marches forward... indifferent to us.
My other daughter, who is now 13, came home yesterday, blushing. A boy she likes hugged her. Three times. As she shared the story, my heart warmed and my mom side thought cautiously, thank god we didn't let her wear that short dress to school.
Time is indifferent. It moves forward whether we want it to or not.
A young man, who was one of my favorite Euchre players accepted my invitation on Facebook. He was a shining star, with big dimples and bright blue eyes. I met him when he was 14 and I was the youth director at our then church. Today he's a young college student filled with life. I looked into his posted pictures and smiled remembering a conversation that seemed ages ago.
"I will never party or get drunk, Mrs. Fresh."
"Yes, sweet boy, you will. But when you're 21, I'll go have a beer with you and we'll talk about it."
"You kill brain cells when you do that."
"Yes, you do, but if I hadn't killed a few brain cells in my day, I'd be a nuclear physicist, not your youth director, so I guess it worked out for the best."
Maybe he doesn't know how much I enjoyed watching him grow up. Maybe I didn't either. I just know that today, I smiled when I saw that he was indeed growing up.
As another memory overlapped. My then 5 year old daughter watched the same young man flip a guitar pick for a church scavenger hunt, which she saved and cherished. As you know, she is a rocker girl today, loving her guitar lessons. I'm sure this small gesture was nothing more than being cool on his part, but it impacted her life tremendously. Who knew the flick of a guitar pick by this cool high school kid would shape her wishes today? As every memory swirls I know that time marches forward... indifferent to us.
My other daughter, who is now 13, came home yesterday, blushing. A boy she likes hugged her. Three times. As she shared the story, my heart warmed and my mom side thought cautiously, thank god we didn't let her wear that short dress to school.
Time is indifferent. It moves forward whether we want it to or not.
March 18, 2009
Children of Abraham
…your name shall be Abraham; for a father of many nations have I made you, (Genesis 17:5)
أحب الخاص بك الجدة
Quite literally, the members of my family are children of Abraham. That is a name in our family tree. My husband’s grandparents were born in Syria and Lebanon and came to the United States in the 1930s. We have a lot of Abrahams in the family tree and the heritage is a strong proud one.
Something happened over the weekend that upset my daughter to her core. She is proud of her background and the cultural influences that have shaped her life. She knows a handful of Arabic words and enjoys Middle Eastern food on a regular basis.
Let me introduce you to Sittoo, my husband’s grandmother. That is how to say Grandmother in Arabic. She was born in 1907 on the banks of Lebanon. Her village was a simple one and she would often reminisce about the cedars on the mountainside, the delicious food and the exotic music and dances. She learned 3 different languages before she came to the USA; Arabic, English and French, from the French occupation of Lebanon.
Lebanon was a largely Christian enclave but also included areas containing many Muslims and Druze. Sittoo spoke often of her Muslim neighbors though she herself was a Maronite Catholic. She came to the United States in an arranged marriage, but her husband died shortly after they were married. Her second husband was a Syrian man she knew from her social club. He was my husband’s grandfather, who died in 1978. She brought her rich heritage with her and maintained her native ways until her death at 96. Our children and I were very blessed to have her in our lives, which are more vibrant for knowing her.
Fear has gripped our nation. Thoughtless, naïve comments are made. Comments that come from a place of zero personal knowledge but rather spoon fed hatred. The prejudice towards Middle Eastern people is frightening. The comment that was made was, “those Middle Easterners want to kill all the Christians”. The sad thing, this comment was made by a religious leader. Not all Middle Easterners are terrorists, nor are all terrorists Middle Eastern. It is flawed logic. Some terrorists look like Ted Kaczinski, Timothy McVeigh and John Lee Malvo.
Historically, Islam, Judaism, and Christianity all started with Abraham, the father of nations. Each faith embodies slightly different manifestations, yet, the core message is the same. There is one God and we share one same Holy Place, the Temple Mount, where Solomon built a temple, Jesus prayed, and Mohammed ascended. We have many more similarities that are often overlooked. To quote Rabbi David Rosen, "interreligious dialogue is an essential component in facilitating peaceful reconciliation in international relations, for the wellbeing of our world as a whole".
I think we can do better for our brothers and sisters. I think we can reach across the world and set an example for the hate filled extremists. Do not perpetuate their frightened gross generalizations, but rather extend a hand of friendship and love. I think we should stop making religion the bad guy, and remember the core teachings of tolerance and peace, which is central to all Abrahamic religions. Religion gets a bad rap for being at the center of so many wars and people turn away from it for that reason. It’s time to stop arguing about whose God is the better God and embrace our collective faiths that tell us there IS God, who made a promise a long time ago to Abraham.
And I will make your seed to multiply as the stars of heaven, and will give to your seed all these countries; and in your seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed. (Genesis 26:4)
It’s time to gaze into the night sky and count the twinkling stars, and realize… we’re all in this universe together.
أحب الخاص بك الجدة
Quite literally, the members of my family are children of Abraham. That is a name in our family tree. My husband’s grandparents were born in Syria and Lebanon and came to the United States in the 1930s. We have a lot of Abrahams in the family tree and the heritage is a strong proud one.
Something happened over the weekend that upset my daughter to her core. She is proud of her background and the cultural influences that have shaped her life. She knows a handful of Arabic words and enjoys Middle Eastern food on a regular basis.
Let me introduce you to Sittoo, my husband’s grandmother. That is how to say Grandmother in Arabic. She was born in 1907 on the banks of Lebanon. Her village was a simple one and she would often reminisce about the cedars on the mountainside, the delicious food and the exotic music and dances. She learned 3 different languages before she came to the USA; Arabic, English and French, from the French occupation of Lebanon.
Lebanon was a largely Christian enclave but also included areas containing many Muslims and Druze. Sittoo spoke often of her Muslim neighbors though she herself was a Maronite Catholic. She came to the United States in an arranged marriage, but her husband died shortly after they were married. Her second husband was a Syrian man she knew from her social club. He was my husband’s grandfather, who died in 1978. She brought her rich heritage with her and maintained her native ways until her death at 96. Our children and I were very blessed to have her in our lives, which are more vibrant for knowing her.
Fear has gripped our nation. Thoughtless, naïve comments are made. Comments that come from a place of zero personal knowledge but rather spoon fed hatred. The prejudice towards Middle Eastern people is frightening. The comment that was made was, “those Middle Easterners want to kill all the Christians”. The sad thing, this comment was made by a religious leader. Not all Middle Easterners are terrorists, nor are all terrorists Middle Eastern. It is flawed logic. Some terrorists look like Ted Kaczinski, Timothy McVeigh and John Lee Malvo.
Historically, Islam, Judaism, and Christianity all started with Abraham, the father of nations. Each faith embodies slightly different manifestations, yet, the core message is the same. There is one God and we share one same Holy Place, the Temple Mount, where Solomon built a temple, Jesus prayed, and Mohammed ascended. We have many more similarities that are often overlooked. To quote Rabbi David Rosen, "interreligious dialogue is an essential component in facilitating peaceful reconciliation in international relations, for the wellbeing of our world as a whole".
I think we can do better for our brothers and sisters. I think we can reach across the world and set an example for the hate filled extremists. Do not perpetuate their frightened gross generalizations, but rather extend a hand of friendship and love. I think we should stop making religion the bad guy, and remember the core teachings of tolerance and peace, which is central to all Abrahamic religions. Religion gets a bad rap for being at the center of so many wars and people turn away from it for that reason. It’s time to stop arguing about whose God is the better God and embrace our collective faiths that tell us there IS God, who made a promise a long time ago to Abraham.
And I will make your seed to multiply as the stars of heaven, and will give to your seed all these countries; and in your seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed. (Genesis 26:4)
It’s time to gaze into the night sky and count the twinkling stars, and realize… we’re all in this universe together.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
