Sometime back, I sat with my teenage children and we watched some old videos. My oldest was about 5 and she was going to be a flower girl in a wedding. I had taken her to get fitted for the dress and was explaining the whole wedding thing to her so she would know what she was doing. My husband was playing with his camcorder when she was recapping her adventure. Her earnest voice explained how she picked out a white dress, but it was saggy baggy, but it wouldn't stay that way because they were going to sew it and make it fit her. Then she sternly looked at her little sister and said, "stop interrupting!" and looked back at the camera and said, "and then I ride with the wedding people in... not a car... not a truck... it's... it's... (long pause, thinking very hard, then a definitive) it's Something Else!" she proudly announced.
One of my blog friends, Dee Dee Mozeleski has done a glorious reflection in her space of what we wish for, what we dream about, what makes our hearts pump faster. It's all about love. I began this blog chronicling my loves after telling someone I'd been in love 20 times, or maybe 100. I love easily and generously. I don't keep track of love, I just invite it in on a regular basis. Love is drop-in company, welcome at any given moment. I will stop in my tracks for love.
While the word love is fraught with fear for many, for me, it's the only thing worthwhile. There is no point in a relationship of any sort with any person if love isn't where it begins and ends. But it's weird the baggage that comes with that word. Say "LOVE" too early or too late or not at all and suddenly it's just the wrong word.
From time to time, I even sign my posts with "Love, Me", and it's sincere. I appreciate the warmth that even words on a screen brings to my world. I love it, and by extrapolation, I love you for giving me the gift of your words. I tell my friends I love them, I tell my kids and family, I tell my dog, I tell everyone I love them. It's something that should be said early and often. I don't love from a place of fear. Love isn't what hurts. Love only heals. Don't believe me? Think about a heartbreak you've had in life. What hurts is NOT love, but the ABSENCE of it.
So why do so many folks fear love or even uttering the word? Why does something so beautiful have so many ugly conditions attached to it? Maybe that's the point - when you attach conditions to love, it dilutes its power. It becomes... not a car, not a truck, but it's... it's... something else.
Speaking for myself, I invite love into my life and I give it easily. I'd much rather have LOVE than something else.
June 27, 2020
February 3, 2020
"Getting" a Life
Over the years, I've tended to internalize a lot of comments that folks have made to me over the years. As I've tried to meet an assortment of societal expectations and juggle my own wishes, the messages have been conflicting.
But one of the comments that I never have forgotten was made to me early in parenthood. My husband and I decided that I would stay home and leave my job. I had worked for someone else from the time I had turned 15, so this was not an easy decision personally, and it was fraught with those messages about women that we cannot help but hear, both positive and negative.
Shortly after our children were born, we built a house in the suburbs. I found myself with little outlet. Most of my fellow moms in the neighborhood worked outside the home and my time never seemed to belong to myself.
I carved out an hour a week to go to a stained glass making class. It was something that had always fascinated me and I just wanted to learn the art. Now while churches will never call me to complete a window, I made a very simple replicate of a Frank Lloyd Wright design to hang in our entryway.
One of my friends upon seeing my new hobby remarked, "You really need to get a life."
I never forgot how that remark stung and how quickly we are to judge how someone chooses to spend their time.
That entire exchange came back to me today as I researched the right way to make French baguette bread. It's a time-intensive process, though I imagine with practice, it would be as easy as riding a bike. However, beginning last night at 7 PM, when I mixed up the starter, until today, after 12 PM, as I wait for the finished product, I've invested a chunk of time in making these baguettes.
That little voice kept echoing, "You really need to get a life."
I recoiled a bit, as the past few years have been exactly about that. After raising our children, the younger who left for college in 2016, I have fervently tried to "get a life". I have volunteered, I have worked, I have organized events, collaborated with several organizations, and successfully nominated two of my dear friends for community awards.
Today, as my bread was baking, those mean-spirited, soul-sucking, esteem-crushing words reverberated as I waited for the bread to finish.
Then I realized, I have a life. Life isn't something we go out and "get". It's not something defined by what others value. My life is about caring for the people I love and pursuing things that make me smile. Whether that be making a stained glass window, raising money for a worthy cause, praising my friends for their talents, or making three long skinny loaves of bread to share with my friends...
I have a life, thank you very much.
And if you're nice to me? I'll share some of that bread that I made.
"If I survive, I will spend my whole life at the oven door seeing that no one is denied bread and, so as to give a lesson of charity, especially those who did not bring flour." ~ Jose Marti
But one of the comments that I never have forgotten was made to me early in parenthood. My husband and I decided that I would stay home and leave my job. I had worked for someone else from the time I had turned 15, so this was not an easy decision personally, and it was fraught with those messages about women that we cannot help but hear, both positive and negative.
Shortly after our children were born, we built a house in the suburbs. I found myself with little outlet. Most of my fellow moms in the neighborhood worked outside the home and my time never seemed to belong to myself.
I carved out an hour a week to go to a stained glass making class. It was something that had always fascinated me and I just wanted to learn the art. Now while churches will never call me to complete a window, I made a very simple replicate of a Frank Lloyd Wright design to hang in our entryway.
One of my friends upon seeing my new hobby remarked, "You really need to get a life."
I never forgot how that remark stung and how quickly we are to judge how someone chooses to spend their time.
That entire exchange came back to me today as I researched the right way to make French baguette bread. It's a time-intensive process, though I imagine with practice, it would be as easy as riding a bike. However, beginning last night at 7 PM, when I mixed up the starter, until today, after 12 PM, as I wait for the finished product, I've invested a chunk of time in making these baguettes.
That little voice kept echoing, "You really need to get a life."
I recoiled a bit, as the past few years have been exactly about that. After raising our children, the younger who left for college in 2016, I have fervently tried to "get a life". I have volunteered, I have worked, I have organized events, collaborated with several organizations, and successfully nominated two of my dear friends for community awards.
Today, as my bread was baking, those mean-spirited, soul-sucking, esteem-crushing words reverberated as I waited for the bread to finish.
Then I realized, I have a life. Life isn't something we go out and "get". It's not something defined by what others value. My life is about caring for the people I love and pursuing things that make me smile. Whether that be making a stained glass window, raising money for a worthy cause, praising my friends for their talents, or making three long skinny loaves of bread to share with my friends...
I have a life, thank you very much.
And if you're nice to me? I'll share some of that bread that I made.
"If I survive, I will spend my whole life at the oven door seeing that no one is denied bread and, so as to give a lesson of charity, especially those who did not bring flour." ~ Jose Marti
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