"Getting" a Life

Over the years, I've tended to internalize a lot of comments that folks have made to me over the years. As I've tried to meet an assortment of societal expectations and juggle my own wishes, the messages have been conflicting.

But one of the comments that I never have forgotten was made to me early in parenthood. My husband and I decided that I would stay home and leave my job. I had worked for someone else from the time I had turned 15, so this was not an easy decision personally, and it was fraught with those messages about women that we cannot help but hear, both positive and negative.

Shortly after our children were born, we built a house in the suburbs.  I found myself with little outlet. Most of my fellow moms in the neighborhood worked outside the home and my time never seemed to belong to myself.

I carved out an hour a week to go to a stained glass making class. It was something that had always fascinated me and I just wanted to learn the art. Now while churches will never call me to complete a window, I made a very simple replicate of a Frank Lloyd Wright design to hang in our entryway.

One of my friends upon seeing my new hobby remarked, "You really need to get a life."

I never forgot how that remark stung and how quickly we are to judge how someone chooses to spend their time.

That entire exchange came back to me today as I researched the right way to make French baguette bread. It's a time-intensive process, though I imagine with practice, it would be as easy as riding a bike. However, beginning last night at 7 PM, when I mixed up the starter, until today, after 12 PM, as I wait for the finished product, I've invested a chunk of time in making these baguettes.

That little voice kept echoing, "You really need to get a life."

I recoiled a bit, as the past few years have been exactly about that. After raising our children, the younger who left for college in 2016, I have fervently tried to "get a life". I have volunteered, I have worked, I have organized events, collaborated with several organizations, and successfully nominated two of my dear friends for community awards.

Today, as my bread was baking, those mean-spirited,  soul-sucking, esteem-crushing words reverberated as I waited for the bread to finish.

Then I realized, I have a life. Life isn't something we go out and "get". It's not something defined by what others value. My life is about caring for the people I love and pursuing things that make me smile. Whether that be making a stained glass window, raising money for a worthy cause, praising my friends for their talents, or making three long skinny loaves of bread to share with my friends...

I have a life, thank you very much.

And if you're nice to me? I'll share some of that bread that I made.

"If I survive, I will spend my whole life at the oven door seeing that no one is denied bread and, so as to give a lesson of charity, especially those who did not bring flour." ~ Jose Marti