Studio 54 closed

Since the day I announced myself  a writer, I have tried to gather my thoughts on paper, especially on my birthday. Birthdays are a big deal, not just my own, but also for anyone in my world. A birthday is the only day of the year that it is perfectly acceptable to be all about you. 

Today is my day. I'm going to practice what I preach and be all about me. If you're still reading, thank you for indulging me and following along. 

I am 55 today. I am just as close to 60 as I am to 50. Those mid-point birthdays always hit me mentally as I try to assess where I'm going, and where I thought I would be. My default (as a Virgo, just barely) is perfection and planning. I live to think ahead. I am punctual and I always have a plan along with two or three back ups. Rarely has life worked out the way I imagined or planned, yet I still find having a plan comforting. 

When I turned 15, we had just moved away from my childhood town to Florida. Turned out that my very first day of school at a new high school was also my birthday. I remember thinking that day how much I couldn't wait to get out of high school and be on with my life. I didn't know a soul and just wanted to be anywhere but trying to find my way around a building I didn't know. Yet, today, through the wonder of social media, I have gotten back in touch with the few friends I made during my two years there and I wonder why I was so scared. 

When I was 25, I was not quite a year into our marriage. I assessed my life with mixed emotions. I thought I would be well on my way to becoming a lawyer, yet I wasn't even close. However, I had a job I loved and was starting my life with a man I loved. Becoming a lawyer never happened, though at 27 I started to pursue my Master's Degree in Labor Law to move in that direction. Yesterday, my youngest child started her first day of classes at Law School. I am so proud and happy that I have a birds' eye view to her achievements. If I'm being honest, I suppose a piece of that pride is vicarious-- don't parents always want their kids to achieve what they never did? 

When I was 35, I was a stay-at-home mom, who couldn't see far enough past the world of toddlers and play dates to imagine a future where I'd be navigating my days without children. I had a solid group of neighborhood mom friends. Our children's social circles became ours. Today, I marvel at the adults those young people have become. Next month, we are attending a wedding of one of those kids and I cannot wait to hug everyone (COVID protocol permitting), and bask in what a good job we did.

Card from my cousin

When I was 45, I was really starting to struggle with the impending empty nest. As the parent of two teenagers, we had moved away from the safe haven of our toddler neighborhood. I was trying to be involved yet wanted also to have an identity that was mine, not as "so and so's mom". Though I knew I was coming to the end of an era, I still hadn't figured out what was next. I felt and still do that going back to school is not really what I want to do. I've discovered through years of volunteering a passion for non-profit work and a love of children. I continued to write and process my world in words. I blogged and found a modicum of success as a green living blogger. That experience helped launch my next 10 years. 

Today I am 55. I have found remarkable success in my ability to write. I have run PR campaigns for neighborhoods, I have spoken to city councils, I have traveled the globe, putting those experiences into words. But my life isn't just about what I achieve professionally. I have two children in their mid 20s taking the world by storm. I like to think I'm their #1 fan. 

If you read some of my earlier posts from this year, we recently relocated again. We are over 800 miles away from our hometown. If I toast with friends, it will be on video, not in person. The COVID pandemic prepared us somewhat. In fact, it set me up in such a way that the relocation didn't change my work. I still am writing for a company back in Ohio. 

As I reflect today on this mid-decade birthday, I see that 10 years can bring so many changes. Today, I'm going to create a word time capsule- what do I think will be true in 10 more years? 

When I am 65, I pray that we begin to take our planet seriously. Mother Nature is angry. We do not care for our earth and it's gross. We use, throw away, and use more. We spew chemicals and toxins into the water, the air, the soil, and our bodies. I hope we as a society become more thoughtful about the world we inhabit. I hope we work with instead of against Mother Nature. 

In the next 10 years, I hope that I have seen another continent. Maybe all of them. That's a 20 year goal. The world is huge. There is so much to see and I want to see it all. 

In the next 10 years, I hope to finally publish that book, Actually, I think that is more like a 1 year plan. I have been circling around my book for 5 years. Perhaps this is my accountability announcement. 

In the next 10 years, I hope we are are back in Ohio and retired. Retired from the rat race, but not from thinking and doing. I want to be that adventurous couple that enjoys everyone and everything that is around us. I want to spend more time with our children and whoever they bring into their lives, I want to spend more time with my bi-coastal best friends, "The Jackies". (I apparently only pick friends with the same name). I want to enjoy whatever elderly members of our family are left in 10 years. I hope many, but I am realistic. The elder generation has so much to share with us. I want to absorb as much as I can to pass along. 

But mostly, in 10 years, I want to just be a better version of me. I'm not as stressed at this midpoint decade as previously. I look forward to the future because just like a birthday, it's all mine.