Fragile as a Bird

Some of you will remember that I am a hospice volunteer. It became official last November. Since then, all my patients have died, save one, who, while I'm assigned to her, I've never met her. Fact is, she has a network of loved family members and the only folks she needs from hospice are the "true professionals".

As a volunteer, I can only assist a trained pro, clean a house, or run errands. Or visit a lonesome patient. I'll be honest, I'm ambivalent about that role. While relatively new to the program, at times it seems I'm a burden, not a help. My first patient died the morning after I was assigned to her. My next patient, loved company and had frequent family visitors. Also, honestly, she had a horribly inconvenient schedule. It was hard to mesh with mine. Due to the medications she took, she slept most days until noon. She didn't want visitors until after lunch and yet, I needed to be home shortly after 2. I always felt I was rushing our visits, but before I could really address it with my coordinator, she died.

My latest patient really doesn't want to see me, or so it seems. I don't take it personally. She has visitors. Every time I call she has no need for my services. Were I given the choice be sick and dying near loving friends or caring strangers, I'd opt for friends, also.

But then last week, I was assigned to the local Hospice House. The turnover is rapid, for rather obvious reasons, and the house has 16 rooms. We aren't given details as volunteers. Our only job is companionship so all we are told is that they need a friend. I cannot say names as we are bound by strict confidentiality agreements. I would never compromise my patient's privacy.

My newest friend is like a bird, tiny and frail with a faraway stare. She talked a lot but rarely made sense. I don't know what her condition was but I'd guess some sort of dementia. She kept looking for someone, the entire two hours. She was strong enough to walk so she held my arm and we walked the entire building, looking for him. Him, as I understood her, was someone who was coming to visit her. Every time my little friend saw a man walk by she perked up and wanted to talk to him.

Finally a nurse explained to me that her husband had been her caretaker but fallen ill so she was admitted to the hospice house. She couldn't tell me how long she was married or how many children she had, but I understood perfectly that she was looking for her man. She got confused and even thought he was on the TV as we walked past one. The evening wore on, and it was time to get her ready for bed. Her aides came to the room and changed her into a nightgown. She hated having her legs and her increasingly swollen ankles and feet show, so they sat her in a reclining wheelchair and covered her legs with blankets.

She asked me to push her around the building again. We'd pause and visit and believe it or not, laugh. She would sometimes become so excited and animated, that the fact that she made no sense word wise was transcended,and the two of us just sat in the lobby laughing hysterically with some inside joke. So inside I didn't even know it, but I knew she was happy. I held her hand with the gnarled joints and paper thin skin, and we laughed. Her eyes shined. My shift was nearly over so I took her back to her room and held her hands in mine. I told her I would come to visit her again soon, and that I hoped the angels kept her company. In one moment of clarity, she looked at me, eye to eye, and said, I'm ready to be with them. Her clarity began to fade and I kissed her forehead. She looked at me and said, "I love you." I hope she makes it until my next shift.

You see, I love her, too.

Our Daily Black

Our Daily Black

Musical Magic

Early Sunday morning, the thermometer read 6 degrees (F) when I woke up. It was not a day to go out but we had a commitment. We had signed up to spend the morning in a soup kitchen in town that serves a weekly meal. It's in an old Episcopal church that the Minis swear is the local incarnation of Hogwarts, at least as Universal Studios imagined it. It's a beautiful old building with arched doorways, stone columns and wood beams. Banners hang from the beams and a grand piano sits in the corner of the room.

Working at the soup kitchen always throws me for a loop. Last winter, I was moved to tears when I overheard a woman talking to her friend about how she was going to take advantage of the chair and warmth the entire hour, even if she was done eating, as she didn't know if she'd be warm again the rest of the day. Over the summer, I just was fulfilling a commitment and my somewhat jaded self was more concerned with making sure my children were finding something worthwhile in our time spent there. We met a charming man dressed in a white linen outfit. His get-up was probably once the height of fashion, but it was dated that afternoon. I wondered what had happened in his world that he went from that to eating at a soup kitchen. Then I humbly realized, life is what happens, but it need not take away dignity. The gentleman in the white linen treated our hot dog lunch as if it were Chateaubriand. He greeted my daughters and I with a smile and manners and thanked us graciously for the food. He charmed all three of us, to the point that several times since then, we've mentioned "the man in his fine white clothing". Perhaps he was our angel.

But this week was different. I convinced not just my family, but also several of my students that we should spend the morning there. When we arrived, the woman in charge didn't seem happy to see us but rather was overhwhelmed. She snarled at me and said, "I wish I had known so many kids would show up." I looked at her and shrugged, "We were on the sign up sheet". She didn't know what to do with us. I found myself a bit angry. I thought she was rude and ungrateful. And yet... who was I to assume anything? Sometimes when someone does something for a really long time, they get in a routine. Our presence was unexpected, and therefore threw a wrench in her logical plan of efficiency. And maybe she didn't mean to snarl, but it just slipped out in her stress to make sure everything ran smoothly.

As I muttered to myself the different ways I needed to let it go, I wiped tables and took plates. I had the kids offer salad and cupcakes and I kept the dressing filled. Yet a cloud of resentment kept hovering. I wanted to be a joyful giver, I wanted to be happy with what I was doing. I didn't want to be seething. I didn't want to silently be cursing. I looked around the room and saw honest, yet hungry, folks. My immature resentment started to evaporate.

One of our guests must have sensed the chill in the air. Or perhaps he just needed to hear music. He wandered over to the grand piano and sat down to tickle the ivories. I paused. A few folks started to sway to his jazzy stylings. He sang in a guttural voice, as his fingers danced over the keys. A gentleman whose wife had been feeding him in his electric wheelchair began to sing along and swing his upper body that was still mobile, back and forth.

The majestic room echoed with the music, both from the piano and the voices of our guests. Suddenly our "Hogwarts" become Carnegie Hall and our performer was Louis Armstrong himself. We may not have seen Dumbledore or Harry Potter, but we did witness magic. We no longer were a soup kitchen slinging hash, but  we were transported to the finest dinner cabaret imaginable.

After about five minutes, "Louis" stood up. I began to clap wildly and the other 50 patrons did as well. I hummed the rest of the shift and all resentment evaporated.  As our distinguished entertainer left, I met his eyes and said, "Thank you for the concert, please stay warm out there."

I didn't have a chance to tell him how much he warmed me.

Friday Frustration: I got nothin'

It would appear that my thought to share a gripe a week with my readers was ill-thought out. Either that or for as crabby as I was last week, the pendulum has swung the other way this week.

I am in such an unbelievably good mood. I saw a darling cartoon this morning that captures my mood perfectly. I am dancing with Charlie Brown and Snoopy.

On a hunch last night, I got to thinking about a favorite teacher of mine from over 30 years ago. She was elderly then, and so I wondered if she was still alive. I did a quick search and found out not only is she still alive, but she's active with a Senior group in her hometown. I sent her a note and Christmas card today. I wonder if she'll remember me as well as I remember her?

Then, this morning, right after I made a professional vow to change how I work in 2012, a friend of mine told me about a job opportunity that could be a perfect fit.

It's been that sort of a day. I finished reading a book written by a friend of mine that filled me with joy and gratitude. Michele Gianetti's book, I Believe in You: A Mother and Daughter's Special Journey is a personal account of her daughter who has dyspraxia and sensory processing disorder. Her chronicle of the love she has for her family and the path they've traveled is nothing short of amazing. I'm so proud of her for sharing her family with the world.

Tonight is my daughter's birthday party. In the past, I've always had a "themed" party which meant special decorations, food, games, and weeks of planning. She announced to me that she just wants to have her friends over and have pizza and snacks and fun. At first I was a bit disappointed, but today, I realized what a gift she gave me. The gift of simplifying my life. I keep thinking I'm forgetting something, but really, it's just that it's that simple. Thank you, sweetheart!

Tomorrow we're joining dear friends for dinner to celebrate the holidays. I cherish the ties that were forged when our children were young and have remained in place through moves and school changes. Then the weekend wraps up with a special Live Nativity performance at our church. Camels, sheep, cattle, angels, shepherds, and of course Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

Yeah, to anyone who is bah-humbug-ing?  Dare you to look at that cartoon and still frown.

Have a wonderful FANTASTIC Friday and rest of the weekend.

CSI Santa

This is the time of year when the Santa skeptics are abound. It only takes a whisper on the bus from another child or a bold announcement in the lunch line to plant the seeds of doubt in the shining eyes of your innocent one.

We've done some pretty wild things to keep the belief in Santa alive. Santa wrapping paper was hidden away and only used for Santa's gifts. We nibbled cookies and drank milk under duress, and we even put on big boots and left foot prints in the snow. My own parents knocked a log out of the fireplace onto the family room floor. I can remember coming home from midnight church certain I had seen Santa's sleigh in the sky, watching for any evidence of his travels. 

One of the most magical Christmas surprises I had was when we didn't have a tree up yet on Christmas Eve, and while we were at church, my aunt and uncle came over and put one up and decorated it for us, leaving a special note from Santa's Elves promising that he would be back after we went to bed. 

When my girls were little, the first year we had our dog, they were afraid he would bark when Santa came in, so they took his crate up into the older one's bedroom and slept together in the same bed to ensure they kept the dog quiet so Santa would still visit. 

There is a certain joy to be had in keeping the magic alive for a child and adult alike. One of the things my girls never knew was that I caught Santa. You see, I was so impressed with their plan that special year, that I decided to sneak into the bedroom and snap a photo of them sleeping. Apparently, Santa was impressed with their plan also, as he paused to smile for me. 

The company I CAUGHT SANTA is graciously offering FIVE of our readers a free photo. There are 20 Santa poses to choose from and you can upload any picture you wish. See the site for some cute ideas. To receive a code for a free photo ($9.99 value), simply comment on this blog post (not on the Facebook page) sharing a special Santa memory and then like I CAUGHT SANTA CLAUS on Facebook.  

The company also has other characters for skeptics everywhere. Offer proof and charm fellow believers. We will select the 5 winners on December 18th at midnight, EST. Winners will be contacted the 19th with a code for their photo.

If you cannot wait until the drawing,  I CAUGHT SANTA has a 25% discount code for Fresh Daily Bread's readers. Just enter SAVE25 at the checkout!

Ho, ho, ho... MERRY CHRISTMAS! 

Friday Frustration: with all due respect

I wanted to call today's post Friday Pet Peeve, but I'm a bit obsessed with alliteration. I considered Friday Flame, but figured that may conjure the wrong image. I intend to make this a regular feature on this blog in an attempt to jumpstart some creativity. So without further ado, today's pet peeve. 


Prefacing a statement of disagreement using the phrase with all due respect is one of my biggest pet peeves (Believe me, I have plenty! So many that I hope to fill a year of Fridays).  The need to use such a phrase underscores a prior lack of respect. It's as if the speaker is qualifying the fact that they don't normally exercise respect when speaking. I liken it to when someone has to tell me they are smart or classy or talented. I hope such traits are obvious enough to not require announcement.

When I carry on a conversation with another person, I treat them with respect. As tempting as it may be to say "it's a two way street", respect is a one way street and I choose to lead the way. If someone were going the wrong way on a one way street, I wouldn't careen forward to prove I was going the right way. I would move to the side.

In keeping with that tone, when someone I am talking to shows a lack of respect, I do not follow suit. I continue to speak with respect. If the conversation escalates, I simply remove myself from it. But whenever I hear the phrase with all due respect I bristle. It's like an asterisk that the rest of the conversation didn't take place from a place of respect.

Are there any words or phrases that rub you the wrong way?

A Novice Guide to Train Wrecks

Or rubbernecking or however we choose to define those moments when the momentum of a vehicle carrying someone to a destination careens out of control. We adopt the vernacular of "train wreck" as a code word for "I'm gonna stare".

I admit, when folks do things I don't expect? I stare. I am riveted. And even when they've indoctrinated me into their unexpected behavior? I still watch, curious if they can keep it going.

True dat. Or Beast. Or maybe Booyah. I'm borrowing the most current slang I hear my teenagers use in attempt to keep my commentary as relevant and timely as possible. I may be messing up the slang. I am actually giggling that I typed such words. My goodness, it's amazing what we do to be heard.

For every person muttering that they Do.Not.Do.That., I contend someone else +2 is muttering how much that is them. You see? Train wreck is only if you get off course. Train wreck has no basis in the folks who somehow or another manage to bullet forward without mishap. So it's about the gamble. How much can we  push it before we wreck?

How far can we go?

Crazy as it sounds? I think this is exactly what defines the American dream. This is the dynamic that pushes us towards the ridiculous. The impetus to behave in a way that is out of the norm, but with the hope that someone will agree and endorse you.

Each time you find yourself unable to turn away? Ask yourself ... Why? and if you can answer it? tell me. Let the world know why you're watching. What keeps your eyes on a Train Wreck?

Gratitude Sans Attitude

One of my favorite and most inspirational bloggers in the Whole Entire World (that is called sucking up, mah friend), put together a gratitude post and as always, she humbles me. Citing things that we take for granted so often really gave me a chance to reflect and practice some gratitude.

As I bare my most honest self here, sometimes I forget to simply give thanks. Oh sure, I profess it, I pontificate and announce how lucky I am, but in the depths of my pampered soul, I still find reason to gripe. It's a bit embarrassing, truth be told, so I try to drown those gripes with louder announcements of gratefulness.

I might be in the 1%.  I say that with as much humility as I can muster. My spouse works his tail off and I don't. Or at least not in a way that provides a paycheck. We live in a nice suburb, our bills are paid, the only debt we have is our mortgage. For the past 16 years since we started a family, I awaken to the rhythms not of an alarm clock to go to a job, but to the stirrings of our offspring, either to feed or clothe or send them to school. I take care of our kids. There are days I don't always realize how good I have it. There are days I rant as a mommy who gets nothing but sass and dirty laundry as my reward. But today, I'm realizing that hearing the voice of my children means they are healthy and alive and I have my faculties. Having dirty laundry to wash means we have clothes to wear and appliances and power to clean them. Each day, I take time to figure out how I'm going to spend my day. Sometimes it feels like nothing mindful or purposeful, but the fact is, I am not beholden to any corporation or employer. I answer to myself and my ideas of how to organize my day. What amazing freedom! I pick up some freelance work from time to time, but it really is just gravy, not living expenses.

Before we had children, I worked retail. I worked long hard hours in a grocery store. There were days I worked until midnight then had to return six hours later to start the day shift. I worked holidays and weekends. I worked with honest hardworking folks and to this day, there are things about the job I miss. I never tried to support a family with that job. I lived in a modest apartment with a beater car that got me back and forth to work. I was so proud the day I bought my first new car, with hand crank windows, and no radio. But it was new, it was reliable, and it was mine.

Today I'm really considering how much time I've spent griping and it makes me blush. I hear stories about how hard it is for folks and I drive my paid-for car with a full tank of gas through the neighborhoods where I hear how hard it is. I cannot begin to fathom such a life, it barely touches my world, except by choice, not by circumstance. When I say by choice, I mean I have time to volunteer for several incredible organizations. I am grateful that I can give my time to organizations that try to help. Sometimes, I wonder if it does. I question if one person can make a difference.

I was given the opportunity to review a new book that really drives the point home. I'm about halfway through Giving 2.0 by Laura Arrillaga-Andreessen. With the subtitle: transform your giving and our world, the book is a reminder of the difference someone can make. The book is chock full of information about the world of giving. We don't have to have foundations or cumbersome entities to make a difference. To quote the section I just reached, whether we are Saving a Life or Moving a Needle (page 105),  something is happening. The section continues with the question, "If you had one dollar to give, where would you invest it to have the most impact?" 


I follow up that question with, "If you had ONE HOUR to give..." and ask you to consider that. Giving isn't just about a season, but rather there is need all year. What began as an exercise in gratitude has become an exercise in giving. What I'm most grateful for is that I don't need all that I have and I want to give it away. I am grateful that I can.

*Gift Card for Groceries, *Anything...

That is what the tag read. I trembled as I picked it from the tree.

You see, every year, around this time, my church does a Twig Tree. A Charlie Brown-esque tree, filled with nothing but tags from folks around the community who could use a little extra. When all the tags are taken, we replace the twig tree with a Christmas tree.

As a Sunday School project, I had my students go and select one boy and one girl from the tree. We're planning an afternoon of shopping followed by a area-wide youth group party/bonfire. They chose a 13 year old boy and 4 year old girl. I was proud of my class as they agreed to spend the early part of their day pre-party shopping and wrapping gifts for those with less. I thought it was a good opportunity for fellowship.

They group the tags by family and so after my class had chosen their recipients, I went back to look if anyone was left out. That's when I spied the purple tag. The mother asking for only food. Or if you wanted to give something else, of course she would be grateful. My eyes welled with tears. To think that during this season of plenty, that her specific request was a way to feed her family? As I try to figure out if we should get our children another video game or electronic gadget? It was humbling. It was nothing I personally can relate to, or at least not much.

There was a time, while I wasn't hungry, I was at the mercy of the system. When I was in middle school, there was a short period of time when my brothers and I had to use the free-lunch tickets. It was humiliating. It was during the time when my parents' marriage was breaking up and truth be told, I don't know why we qualified for free lunches, but there was something in the paperwork that allowed it to happen. Mama, ever the resourceful one, figured that if we qualified, she wasn't going to pass it up. I think the way support was paid didn't show as income at that time. Whatever the reason, everyday, for 3 years, I had to walk to the office, get what seemed to be a glowing neon FREE LUNCH ticket, and present it for a midday meal. One of the boys said to me, "I thought you were rich". While I silently thought, "So did I",  I didn't have a reply for him. Instead the next few months, I stopped eating lunch, although I graciously accepted whatever my friends were prepared to throw out.

You see, I don't truly know what it's like to be hungry or poor, but I tiptoed the line and walked in those shoes.  I know how dehumanizing it can be and how others look down on you. I know how I was looked down on and I was only 12. I was a kid and felt the arrogance and elitism of those who didn't have to use the FREE LUNCH tickets. I've never forgotten how that felt and I never want to.

When I read about a mother wanting nothing more than food for groceries, my heart tugs. I image all the things that may happen when she gets that gift. Will she pack her children a lunch? Will she enjoy a meal of food of her choosing versus what is available at the food bank or soup kitchen? How many of us even consider the ability to choose what we are going to eat a LUXURY? It's something we take for granted. We open the pantry or refrigerator and gaze at an abundance.

Yet, for many of our brothers and sisters, that just isn't the case. A friend of mine who is one of the "working poor" quite honestly posted recently about how tired she was of eating rice with sugar in the morning and salt at night. By the way, this person works 60+ hours a week. By the time the rent and gas is paid? Just isn't a lot left. Sure her family eats. Rice. With sugar or salt depending on the time of day. She went to the food bank and was given a can of icing. No cake. But someone generously donated a can of icing.

I would like to help the lady on my anonymous tree tag and a few others who I know are struggling. I'm not a non profit, I'm no organization. I'm simply someone who knows that whatsoever you do, for the least of my brothers, that you do unto me. Let's do something for the least of us. (Matthew 25:40)

Running for Pleasure

the following is a sponsored post

One of my favorite things about a vacation is the opportunity to work out or run without interruption. Some of my best runs actually have taken place while on vacation. There is something liberating about knowing that you're not on a schedule, you don't have to drive anyone anywhere, or get someone else out the door. I only know that when I'm on a vacation, I do my best exercising. Granted, we cannot vacation 24/7 for 52 weeks/yearly. However, when I'm presented with a wide open day planner, the first thing I want to pencil in is a run or workout.


Imagine how thrilled I was to learn that several of the deluxe Disney hotels not only have enough characters to please even the most jaded princess lover, but also practical concessions for the desire to if nothing else, stay fit while on vacation. What could be more beautiful or invigorating than a jog around the perfectly manicured landscape of a resort property? Well, perhaps if that property actually planned trails for such a jog! In fact, a priority of mine now when I travel is to see if there are running trails. While I have the best intentions at home to run, there is something about new scenery and surroundings that motivate me that much more.

I admit it, part of my vacation plans is the chance to exercise without guilt or a nagging thought of needing to be anywhere else. As I said, running for pleasure is something that truly happens when I'm on vacation.

The Art of Enhancing Ourselves

As the nation prepares to celebrate Halloween tonight, kids across the nation will be painting make-up on their faces to become someone else and masquerade their appearance. I'm prepared to see a range from cute to creepy faces tonight, depending on the make-up.

Wearing make-up is truly an art. Like a child's first scribbles with crayon, early make-up use tends to be less than artistic, and while a parent may not ooh and ahh over the results, the child still has a sense of growing up. I had my play make-up kits as a little girl and they magically transported me, along with my mother's shoes and grandma's beads, to the world of adulthood.

When I was a young teenager, wearing make-up was the ultimate representation of all things grown up. Despite my frequent proclamations of maturity, I was not allowed to use cosmetics until I turned 16. To prove how mature I was, I would sneak make-up. I left the house fresh faced and spent the bus ride to school aging myself to perfection with requisite 70s blue eye-shadow, matching mascara, and shiny rolled on lip gloss. In my quest to appear mature, it never occurred to me that yearbook photos would capture whatever make-up I was wearing and my ploy did not go undetected. My seventh grade photo complete with the dramatic swath of blue eye-shadow serves as irrefutable evidence of my duplicitous actions.

When I became a mother myself, the art of wearing make-up was quickly relegated to nights out and church only, if that much. It became an art of carving out any precious time I could and make-up wearing rarely seemed like a good use of it. Then one day, my own children asked me if they were old enough to wear make-up, and I found myself scavenging through my drawer realizing I had relegated my art to the proverbial shoe box on the back shelf. The cycle had come full circle. It was time to let the scribbling on a fresh canvas begin. My rules were quite simple. You must still look like yourself or you have to wash it off. I allowed my own children to wear make-up at 13, to save them from the faux pas of sneaking make-up on the bus without intervention of a more sensible, no longer swathed in blue shadow, eye.

I've never thought of make-up as a true masquerade, but rather a way to flatter what I have or enhance my natural features. Much like the way we stand taller or hold in our tummy, make-up is the finishing touch on our personal work of art. Myself, I rarely like to be seen without mascara. What is your "must have" cosmetic?

In accordance with FTC disclosure policy, this is a sponsored post. For information about sponsoring a post on either of our blogs, Click Here. 

The Value of Teachers

In Ohio, as Issue 2 becomes more and more heated, as well as a local school levy trying to pass, a lot of criticism is directed to the teachers. Many folks are suggesting we to find out how much our teachers are paid at the Buckeye Institute site. Their income is public knowledge. I wonder how we would feel if our incomes were posted on a public site for the world to gawk?

However, I admit, I'm curious so I checked on a few of the teachers I know personally. I'm sorry friends, I feel like I snooped in their filing cabinet when they weren't looking. The highest I saw was $80K, the lowest was $33K but most hovered around $50K. Guess what? I don't care, I'm not about to be stingy when it comes to investing in the folks who will make my future. And honestly, let's talk about what we "make" versus what we bring home. And what we live on. Let's be real and upfront.

I will also mention the sort of things I see when I make my weekly visit to the inner city classroom:

The building is only 4 years old. As I was walk in, I notice two smashed windows held together with duct tape. I'm not sure if it was a gun or rock or what exactly was used to smash the windows. I can only hope it was after school hours. There are signs all around the block "school zone" no shooting/drugs/etc.

As if. We're assuming those doing the shooting have respect. In the past month alone, there have been 3 random shootings in this neighborhood. Admittedly, I'm nervous driving through there, but I think if everyone is afraid to go in, the children will never see a way out.

While I walked out, I see the flag on the flagpole hanging upside down. I've got a really strong patriotic streak, and I almost marched back into the school to tell them that the flag was hung wrong, but then I realized how busy they really are. The school doesn't have time to fix the flag. But it just made me sad. I've heard an upside down flag is a sign of distress. That certainly is the truth regarding this district.

When I was driving away, I saw an elderly gentleman walking along the sidewalk. He was wearing dress trousers, a fisherman's type of hat, a cardigan sweater, and was carrying a single golf club over his shoulder, presumably as a weapon if needed. Either that or his golf league had one last round and he was walking to the course. I'm gonna guess option A.

I live in a generous district and whatever factors into it, our teachers are well paid. Our students also excel in everything from academics to sports, to music, to arts. We are a highly ranked district. Our kids don't see smashed out windows, nor do the neighbors of the school walk around protecting themselves with golf clubs. I've never seen the flag sending a distress signal.

All I can say is that when it comes to if a student succeeds? Using that as a criteria, our levy should pass easily. My area of the country is known for not just its blight, but also its fight. We have a lot of exciting energy bubbling, as we have been recognized nationally as a great area to start a business, an area filled with emerging innovation. If we want to attract talent, we need to offer a reason. We need to entice talent to our area by the promise of good schools. We owe it to our children to build a better tomorrow.

Save Our Schools

Our Daily Green: Summer Vacation Green

Our Daily Green: Summer Vacation Green

What will you be doing this summer? Do you have any good vacations planned? Want a few tips to a more ecofriendly vacation along with a chance to win some great trips? Check my other blog, Our Daily Green for details!

Happy Summer!
What is better for a road trip than a good audio book? 

The Track won the Battle... but

I won the war.

My sleep patterns are messed up and it isn't surprising that I woke at 3 AM wide eyed. Yesterday I finished the ironman walk for our local Relay for Life fundraiser for the American Cancer Society. The ironman category is for the relay participants who walk the entire 24 hours of the relay, with only a 10 minute break each hour.

I've participated in several Relays in the past, but never with this level of dedication or physical commitment. My reasons are both selfish and altruistic. On the selfish end, I had never previously tested the levels of my physical endurance and stamina. Last year at the Relay, I met two young girls who had committed to walking the entire 24 hours and their dedication inspired and moved me. I thought that sounded like something really cool to do, and figured I wasn't getting younger or thinner, so I better do it now. I asked my daughter if she would commit to walking with me the following year. She also was inspired.

2010 brought some powerful reasons to make 2011 the year we paid tribute. We lost two special people in our lives the last few months of 2010, my father in law and our little "niece" (the child of dear friends). We've also lost many other friends and family members and celebrated some survivals as well. Our walk was dedicated to all of them.

I didn't know how I was going to train, other than get in the best physical condition I could, stay hydrated, and try to rest the day before. Oh and good socks. I spent ridiculous amounts of money on two pairs of high tech athletic socks to rotate throughout my walk. I sound like Lt. Dan's character from Forrest Gump but  Lt. Dan was right.

Lieutenant Daniel Taylor: Look, it's pretty basic here. You stick with me, you learn from the guys who been in country awhile, you'll be right. There is one item of G.I. gear that can be the difference between a live grunt and a dead grunt. Socks, cushion, sole, O.D. green. Try and keep your feet dry when we're out humpin'. I want you boys to remember to change your socks wherever we stop. 

This year's Relay was a For Life experience. I don't know if I possibly can capture the magic, the joy, the agony, and the incredible sense of community and love, but I hope my humble words will help. We arrived at the Relay and it turns out the two young girls who were our inspiration were there to walk 24 hours again, and they inspired most of their high school Key Club. There were about 25 of us in all, but my daughter and I are from a different town, and I was about three times as old as most of the iron-(wo)man walkers. There were a few folks close to my age, but they were a little more quiet and subdued in their walk. The kids, oh my goodness. I've never encountered such a level of enthusiasm or energy.

Quickly, the other kids befriended my daughter and they were energetically kibbutzing about all things high school. It was sweet to see kids be kids, and from different walks of life, but the same experiences, come together. I became the self-appointed "ironman mom". I was reminding people to hydrate, eat something, asking them how they were doing. I think I called every kid sweetie or honey at some point of the walk. I am so proud of them.

The walk started easily enough, spirits were high, the atmosphere charged with hope. We reverently witnessed the luminary ceremony, where candles were lit in memory or celebration of cancer patients. The visitor stands of the stadium had luminaries spell out, "Every Candle Has A Name", and they read aloud each name. It was movingly eloquent.

About midnight, 6 hours into the relay, the atmosphere also became charged with electricity, in the form of lightning, and we had to move our walk inside the school gymnasium.  Only one-quarter of the walk was done and now we were like sardines, in a sweaty smelly musty gym. The fatigue and hour began to take its toll as we marched in a figure 8 between the old gym and the new gym. We got silly as my daughter and I started doing a Hokey-Pokey relay and other groups were doing the macarena, anything to keep our spirits intact. One of the most entertaining moments of the evening came when a group of boys started doing a leap frog Relay. The laughter helped keep us going the next two hours, when the threat of the storm passed and we were allowed to return outdoors.

The cool misty air was exactly the injection of fresh we needed. Some of us (author included) actually started running a lap or two. Believe it or not, the running was a great idea, not foolish. It moved different muscles and really gave a good stretch from all the walking. We had taken to walking backwards, sideways, skipping, anything to change up the continual movement. At 4 AM we celebrated reaching double digits of walking. I was feeling good and throughout the night was receiving encouraging texts from friends and supporters. After our 5 AM break, we lost my daughter. Turns out she dozed off during her break, I went to find her and she actually committed to skipping two more breaks to make up for the nap. We were closing in on halfway 12 hour mark. One friend's walking partner had to leave and her partner asked me to please keep her friend company the rest of the walk. This was about the time the best line of the Relay was uttered. One of the repeat walkers from last year said, "You know what I need so I can finish?" We said "What"?  "A wheelchair." It gave us a much needed moment of levity, followed by a moment of gratitude that we in fact were able to walk on our own, as we actually had seen quite a few Relay folks in chairs, walkers and motorized scooters.

At the 12 hour mark, I celebrated by getting sick. I should have eaten a bit more over the night, I believe my blood sugar dropped or something, but I've seen endurance athletes get sick during races, so I knew it wasn't really a virus or anything. I got some food and went back to walking. Unfortunately, I had hit the wall. Another two hours passed and at the 8 AM hour, I got sick again. I had to lay down for about 45 minutes. I collapsed back at our tent when my husband and second daughter arrived with breakfast. I woke up, ate and stretched and went back out. By now, I felt more like a "rusty-man" walker, but neither was I going to quit.

The texts were still coming and my spirits were lifted, even if my body was exhausted. We were past halfway, there was no turning back. The sun began to beat down and as the self appointed mom of the relayers, I made sure everyone was hydrated and sunscreen-ed. We hit high noon. The morning had been injected with fresh well rested people and new voices of encouragement. My other daughter alternated between walking with us, making lemon shakes at our tent, and fetching needed supplies. We were a family team. Unfortunately, I still hadn't bounced back from being sick and about 130 PM, I started to get nauseous and collapsed again. My feet were throbbing, my head light, and every muscle in my leg was tight. Again, I think I hadn't eaten enough. This time it was another 45 minute break, then like a phoenix, I rose with a determination to finish. I did send a message to a friend who was going to drive out to photograph the finish to stay home, because as determined as I was mentally, I wasn't certain my body would cooperate.

I got back on track, literally and figuratively. People asked me what hurt most and I had to admit, my ego. I felt more like a tin man at this point. I began to strike up more conversations with all the kids walking. We talked about their sports training, their proms, their futures. The conversations helped the time pass. I was fighting feelings of guilt for not being a "true" ironman, but also determined to finish, and never once did they question that I was "one of them" even with my 2 extended breaks. The afternoon ticked forward, each hour a celebration, but the fatigue was obvious in all the walkers. My daughter and I spent our remaining 10 minute breaks massaging our feet then plunging them in ice water to get the swelling down.

The walking portion of the Relay actually ended at 5:30 when they began the awards ceremony. After the 5 PM break we knew we were in the home stretch and planned our strategy to finish strong. We decided to run the last two minutes. After hours of gimping, limping and struggling, the end was in sight. 5:28 and we began to jog. The tired muscles dissolved, the sore feet felt healed, the track stretched before us and we ran. The last quarter of the track, we actually sprinted to the finish; exhilarated, relieved, and yes, on my end anyway, crying with gratitude. Hugs, high fives, and exuberance was the theme.

One of the groups kept count of laps. They had 180 counted, which is 45 miles. I think I probably did 40 based on the breaks that I had.

So now I'm up in the middle of the night, sleep messed up, but I'm proud. I may not be an ironman, but I am a tinman, and we all know the tinman had a heart. I do not have any blisters, so thank you to the socks. My legs are sore, but not immovable. I actually feel pretty good. To think 24 hours ago, I was still hoping to reach the halfway mark. I think I reached the whole way mark and now I know what my body can do.

I'm so glad I did it. One of the personal reminders I kept making was that when someone is diagnosed with cancer, they simply start fighting the battle. They don't get to train for treatment, they don't get to pick whether or not to do it, they just have to do it. That became a mantra of sorts for me during the walk. Cancer patients have to fight a lot longer than 24 hours and there isn't always an end in sight. We gave one day of our lives to honor them. It was something I'll never regret doing.

a stone's throw

Not too far from where I live is an inner-city elementary school that I visit once a week. The school district is in academic emergency with a graduation rate of 58% for the 2009-2010 school year. The neighborhood around the school is best described as modern urban blight and decay. About half the houses are boarded up; the others have overgrown yards and rubbish strewn about. The sidewalks are heaved and broken.

I'm part of a program that goes into the classrooms and helps the children learn about working in communities and begin career planning at a very young age. The idea is to encourage and nurture ambition and goals for the future. It's a very well received program.

My most recent assignment is two combined classes of 30 first graders. They are in so many ways typical children; smiley, happy, wiggly, excited. This past week was no exception. Spending the morning with them always lifts my spirits for the day. Last week, it also gave me something to think about that hasn't left me alone.

Our lesson was about jobs people in our families do and part of the lesson involved creating a classroom job book. We talked about different things people we knew did for a living. As the students shared the sort of jobs their families do, I heard such examples as:

The Dollar Store

Mowing Lawns

McDonalds

Subway Sandwich Maker

WalMart cashier

and, repeatedly,

Teacher

One of the only college educated people these children encounter in their journey is their teacher. I asked the kids if they had to go to school to get these jobs they mentioned, and for every job, they understood that you did have to go to school. One little girl earnestly explained to me that her mommy had to go to work an hour early every day for a whole week to learn how to make the fries and put the sandwiches together. They share stories about how their folks work two jobs and they help care for their smaller siblings. Many of them are single parent homes but have many people in their homes with aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents together.

In an era when teachers are regularly disparaged, it seems to me that we ask quite a bit from our educators. These thirty little people have dreams, too. The first step to fulfilling those dreams is a good role model. While their parents are honest hard working folks, retail or fast food job will not ever take them out of their blighted neighborhood. A teacher is their beacon of light to a different world.  

photo courtesy of Inmagine

This school is less than a 10 minute drive away from my very tall, but not insurmountable, picket fence. The neighborhood is only a stone’s throw away. Maybe that stone doesn’t need to be thrown at windows, but instead can be used to measure distance. It’s not too far away from any of us. Getting closer keeps those arms from throwing stones and instead reaches out. A little one on one encouragement may be the difference between learning to make fries and learning to change lives.  

Thank you to all the teachers who make a difference every day. 

The First Official Mean Mom Contest

Dear Friends, Readers, and fellow Mothers:

First, I must declare that Procrastination Rocks! I had intended to post this two weeks before Mother's Day, when life intruded. However, since I also believe that mothers are entitled to way more than one day, I am declaring May MOTHER'S MONTH. Yes, you read that right. I am allowed to do that because, oh yeah, I own this space and I can do whatever I want. So I am giving us the rest of the month.

I have written in the past about this unpublicized Mean Mom contest. I never publicized it in the past, but rather self-anointed and proclaimed the award mine. I selfishly kept the honor for myself. I am the reigning Mean Mom. I have a tiara and scepter to prove it, in the world where the sky is not blue. (The tiara and scepter actually are a hair scrunchie and mop... it's called artistic license). I also have a loyal steed. Otherwise known as the canine who I walk, feed, and neatly package his droppings after I pick them up. Yes, life is good when you're the reigning Mean Mom.

How did I get this incredible honor, you ask? Practice. Fifteen-point-five years of practice. The day spawn number one was born, I began training for this honor. I fully accepted the title around the time aforementioned spawn reached first grade. The transition from trainee to award winning Mean Mom was seamless. I simply told my daughter that I didn't care if it was vacation, she still had to brush her teeth. I have continued my meanness through the years, but that first moment of mean will remain cherished. I knew I had arrived.

I realize how effortless it appears. But I suspect I'm not the only Mean Mom out there. I think I have comrades. I am inviting you to step forward  and share why you also are a Mean Mom.

Because I feel that no Mean deed should go unrewarded, I am offering a prize to the mom who wrestles the award away from my clenched fist. You not only will receive the Mean Mom of 2011 award, but I also will give you a a percentage of my earnings from the Mean Mom stipend. You too will receive an unlimited supply of "rolling eyes" "whatevers" "under the breath mutterings" AND...

A $20 Groupon gift certificate to patronize a local business in your area. Groupon offers daily deals on salons, restaurants, and other businesses at a tremendous discount.

If you're not a Groupon member, it's easy to sign up, and it's easy to find deals by zipcode. As a disclosure, I am a Groupon affiliate. I believe in their mission because I work hard to keep my consumer dollars in the local community. This award is a win/win. You will get a lot for your $20 and help your local economy.



To enter the Mean Mom of 2011 contest, I ask you to submit a comment (link to your own blog if you wish or share your story in the comments) about why you should dethrone me as reigning Mean Mom. I will choose the winner on the last day of May, 2011. You should alert me to your brand of Mean before the month is over in a comment here on the blog. Since I'm Mean, I can make the rules. My Mean isn't just for the kids, it's for my readers, as well. I must keep my tool sharp. So follow the rules, tell me why you're more Mean than me, and I'll send you $20 to use on a Groupon deal.

Tweet Me Right Green

Read about a fascinating online conversation I had with the fabulous humanitarian and children's musician, Raffi and find out what he's doing with himself these days.

Tweet Me Right Green

Launch at Medium Speed

I just finished teaching a five week long course in Community Building to a fabulous group of second graders. I work as a volunteer for Junior Achievement.

Junior Achievement programs help prepare young people for the real world by showing them how to generate wealth and effectively manage it, how to create jobs which make their communities more robust, and how to apply entrepreneurial thinking to the workplace. Students put these lessons into action and learn the value of contributing to their communities.

Obviously, at the second grade level, it was an introductory lesson, to teach the children something to build on for the future.  We discussed the ways that people, businesses, and government work together to build a community that everyone enjoys living in. We had a mock election, a donut factory, payday and tax collection. We campaigned for an issue, whether to build a toy store, animal shelter or skate park, in a vacant space in our community.

For about 45 minutes a week, I visited their classroom and was met with enthusiasm that knew no boundary. My group of 24 children had ideas, thoughts and dreams. Several wanted to be teachers, doctors, engineers, chefs. One girl wanted to be a billionaire, but didn't have a business plan yet. (I'm optimistic that JA will get her pointed in the right direction). Their dreams touched my world as I saw their futures stretch before them.

Yesterday was my last day with them. They had a big envelope filled with cards and letters for me. One boy made me a paper airplane (he's the one who wants to be an engineer) which he advised to "Launch at Medium Speed".

I think instead, they should launch at full speed ahead.

Thank you to the second grade class for your love and joy! I just know you'll all be wonderful successes and I cannot wait to stop in and visit you again.

Love,
Mrs. U.

Scholarship Searches

Having a child in high school means the inevitable fear over how to pay for it. Year after year, many scholarships go unclaimed simply because parents and students do not know how to find them or access them.

FastWeb is a subsidiary of Monster.com and is the source for invaluable college information, from scholarship money, to financial aid calculators, to grants, to internships. Additionally, it contains wealth of information about the college experience and student life in general. FastWeb has been featured on The Today Show, USA News and World Report, the New York Times, and the Chicago Tribune. And of course now, on Fresh Daily Bread.

Best of all, FastWeb is free, but you need to register to get the best information. I registered for my own child, and even though it means I have to admit the nest will be less full, at least I also know we can find the funds to keep the nest comfortable.

FastWeb Site

Secrets to winning a college scholarship by Valerie Strauss, The Washington Post